HUNGRY EYES || J.JK × Reader ✔

chapter 39 | Part of me

"I love you as more than a friend, and I feel disgusting for it..."

I do not know what to think about first. The fact that he has feelings for me? The fact that he must have hidden it from me for a long time? Or the fact that he talked about it with y/n?

"I..." my brain bugs out. "Since when...? Like...are you sure...? Why do you suddenly feel..." I regret my words without even finishing my sentences. I should think twice before talking right now, but I do not know how to do it anymore. "I like you since you kissed me...for the first time...I'm so sorry, Jungkook...I just never wanted to tell you because I know you're not into guys...and I didn't want to ruin us, I didn't want to lose the only person I have in my life..."

I gulp down and press my lips together. What am I supposed to say? How am I even feeling about this?

"Why is y/n the one who told you to talk about it with me...?" I ask what needs to be answered the sooner possible, feeling the anxiousness run through me at the speed of light. "Because she's the one who made me let my feelings out. She made me feel like I shouldn't keep it to myself anymore...she made me feel safe and comfortable enough to do it...so I told her about it first since I was scared of your reaction and didn't plan on confessing to you...but she told me she expected this, that she knew...and she wanted me to talk about it with you because first, she wants you to know that she is alright with this, that she's not mad at me, and she wants to make sure you won't be scared to lose her because of this because she will still love you no matter what happens..." he reveals everything.

Those are words that I know y/n would say for sure. We talked about it so many times, I know she would give this type of speech.

"I'm sorry for doing this now, Jungkook..." he apologizes again, but now that I got y/n's point of view, I clear my thoughts and breathe out. I need to know what I am feeling exactly.

"Don't say sorry..." I find a way to speak and not remain speechless in front of him. This will only hurt him and not help at all.

I step away to take a break and think, and I sit down on my bed but look at him, shaking from head to toe on his spot.

What if what I have been feeling for him was nothing but love that is deeper than a friendly one? This cannot be true. I do not fall in love with guys, I never did, and I cannot believe that I would.

Now that I think about all this, from all the things that we did together since that kiss, the hugs, the touches, the night spent together, to all the things that we said to each other, all the 'I love you', the 'Baby', and many other words, everything always meant more to him. It has been years, I dated in front of him, I loved in front of him, and he never showed a single hint of jealousy or pain to me. He hid this from me so easily, this is unreal and so painful to get to know about it and see all of those from his point of view.

"Do you want me to leave...?" his voice snatches me out of my head, and I realize that I have remained silent for long minutes. "Stay here..." I shake my head. "And sit down, please...I can't stand to see you in this state," I do not have the power to put my eyes on him anymore, fighting against myself to know what my body and brain want, what they feel, and what they might have been making me go against.

I am in love with y/n, she means so much to me, she makes me happy, she makes me feel the butterflies only a lover can make you feel, she calms me down with her voice, her words, her presence, she makes me feel lonely when she is not around, when she is away as if a part of me was missing, and my heart beats so fast when she touches me, says my name, or tells me she loves me. When I look at her or hold her in my arms, I know I will always smile. When she is not okay, I know I will always feel down and worried, but also get much more power to take care of her and make sure she is alright.