Arabelle.

Stay.

People say to move on, but they don't tell HOW to move on.

Arabelle was sad, all the time.
" I hate life "
" Why did i have to fall for him? "
bad thoughts would roam through her head on a daily basis. She fell in love with a guy she could not have.
" Whenever you went to the store as a kid did you ever see this toy that you wanted, but you couldn't have it because someone took the last one? "
She regretted everything she ever said to him. Arabelle, why the fuck did you fall for such a repulsive asshole? Why did you even start talking to him? Imagine if you never told him that Abby cheated on him; imagine where you would be now. You'd be happier. A whole lot happier. Yeah, Joel makes you happy, partially, but wouldn't it be easier without him? It would. It would be easier without him. That's why you shouldn't fall in love, why don't you learn?
Umbriel knew that he was bad news. She would tell her to move on, to forget about him, but Arabelle wondered HOW to fall out of love with someone. How can she just lose feelings for someone and move on so quickly? She needed to though. She needed to forget him. She needed to move on.
She has thoughts of self-harming herself again, but she won't, because she is against self-harming over love. All she thought was " No one will stop me, why can't I just do it? ", and it sunk in. There was no one there to stop her. she could kill herself, she can self-harm, she can do so many things and nobody will stop her, because no one has the power to do so. She thought all of this because of some guy who came into her life and treated her like she was nothing, of course, that fucked her up. She couldn't think straight. She would search the cafeteria just for him, but why? He wouldn't notice her. He wouldn't talk to her. She felt like he hated her, and that's not a fucking crime. Let her feel how she wants to feel. She is getting ready for the day he forgets about her. That's all. Because everything has an ending, and she waits for it. What's so wrong with skipping to the end? Why can't people see that it's the way she wants to live? LET HER BE HER. No one understood her. Misunderstood. She feels like she pushes people away because she doesn't want to get attached, and then they would leave when she's attached. Why can't people stay? Why can't people see that she is trying her hardest to be herself; trying so hard to be happy. She tries to be happy, and she was going so good for a while, but then her synthetic happiness left. She missed her happiness because who falls in love with a frown? It might've been fake happiness, but it helped. It helped her get out of bed, it helped her live without wanting to die. It helped, unlike everyone around her who doesn't understand.
Why Arabelle, why did you have to fall in love? If you didn't you would've been happier. You wouldn't have to cry yourself to sleep. You wouldn't have to run to the bathroom because you don't want to cry in class. He broke you and he doesn't even know. He means the world to you and he doesn't even know. He doesn't know. So, why don't you tell him? Will that be the right thing to do? She changed herself, she stopped eating, she tried to be happier, all for him, but it didn't work. He was still in love with Kasey, while Arabelle was in love with him.
" You know I was crying in 5th period, right next to you? "
She told him. Right after she told him she regretted it, because then he would ask why and she would have to explain how she felt, and she didn't want to. She didn't want to get comfortable with someone she had a chance of losing. She wouldn't dare. She would go to school sad, see him, and then get sadder. How? How can someone get sadder when they see the person they like? Well, she did. She hated everything that was going on in her life in the moment. She felt so much pain it turned into physical pain. How can she live knowing everything around her was falling down right in front of her. She hated it. She had to do something, and she knew exactly what she was going to do.