Arabelle.

Lost.

Alcohol may cause more problems than it solves, but fuck yeah i'd like for my throat to burn instead of my heart.

" Do you hate the way I hate myself?
Do you still appreciate how nice I am to you no matter how much you hurt me?
Are you still there for me?
Do you still care? "

No.
No.
No.
No.

Arabelle, Joel doesn't care. He has been ignoring you, and treating you like shit. You love him, even though he doesn't love you back. How does that feel? How does that make you feel?

Arabelle was devastated knowing that she had to go back to school. All she thought about was how she wanted to go home and cry. Around lunch time she had, had enough and she just cried. She stared off into the distance and thought
" He doesn't like you, he doesn't care, he thinks you're annoying. Everyone thinks you're annoying. No one likes you. How does that feel? Look at you. You pathetic, worthless girl. Why can't you just get over the fact that he doesn't love you. He doesn't love you. "
These thoughts didn't escape her head. They were stuck in her head. She's been thinking so negative lately.
She was shaking, she felt a weight on her chest, she couldn't breathe. Everything hurt her. She wanted to tell him how she felt but he would just blow her off. Why wasn't anyone helping her?

Arabelle was hurt. She didn't want to be alive. She didn't want to feel. She didn't want to breathe. She wanted to leave. She wanted everything to stop. Why couldn't she be happy? Joel didn't know how bad he had hurt her, or did he?

She wishes she could talk to him about how she feels but last time she did, he implied that she was being annoying.

Why can't you stop falling for people who obviously have no interest in you? If he really cared for you he wouldn't ignore you the way he does. He doesn't care. No one cares.

The butterflies in her stomach have turned into tears on her face. She no longer wanted to be alive because of Joel. A simple, plain ol' guy had the power to make a simple, plain ol' girl want to end her life. Her life. Her entire fucking life. She wanted to kill herself because some stupid, repulsive asshole did not love her. He didn't even care. She no longer knew how to feel about him. One second he simply adored her, the next she hated his guts.
Why did life have to be so complicated?

Arabelle felt lost, she had no idea what to do. That night she ripped her skin open, she bled out her feelings. She couldn't take it anymore. After that she laid down in her bed. She could not sleep. She kept thinking about how much of a mistake she was. How stupid she was. Why doesn't Joel see how bad he is hurting her?

She laid in her bed and cried, as the tears fell from her face the blood fell from her wounds. Nobody knew how bad she was hurting. Nobody cared.