Arabelle.

Unable.

as I watched you walk away, and I felt something change.

[POV - Arabelle's]

I woke up at 10:27am today.
Checked my phone, nothing.
I went to the kitchen and ate some cereal but shortly after that I threw up. I am no longer able to eat. Unable.
I think i'm falling for someone else, her name is bailey, but she's in love with someone else. She calls her " baby ".
I am so jealous.
I can't be hers though, she likes someone else. I'm unable to be hers.
I started wearing these silicone band-aids on my thick scars so they could go away.
I'm kind of sad that it's working though, because I see it as another thing that is leaving me.
I took 3 naps today, I was unaware of how tired I was, or am. I wake up, from every nap that I took, confused. I didn't even remember sleeping.
Bailey.
Joel.
He used to make me feel like I could float on water, but now i'm drowning. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even think about me. I think about him, not as much as I used to, but these thoughts about him still occur. I'll
always have thoughts about him, just not daily. Hopefully. I've given up on him, but he shouldn't worry i'll stay out of his life.
I just want to get what I want.
I'm going to have to see his face tomorrow.
It's going to break me. I know it is. I don't think I can handle something like that. Not anymore. I am no longer strong enough.
I can't keep people around, not for long.
The last thing I told him was
" Are you okay? "
I said I would always be there for him, thing is he doesn't want me around.
Bailey.
Me and her don't really talk. We've only shared a couple words here and there, but for some reason I like her, I don't even know her but all I can think is
" fuck she's beautiful. "
She is. She is the most stunning girl I have ever met. I want to talk to her, all day, but I know I wouldn't be able to ask for her number or anyway I could commute with her.
I need to stop waiting for things to change, and make it happen.
I'm just so scared. I'm unable to get over my fears.
All I can picture are memories. Knowing we'll never go back to what what me and him used to be.
He was everything to me.
I don't even care what he remembers me for, as long as he remembers me.
I know life can take a turn for the worst, I know it'll be bad, but i'll love him through those days. Too bad he left.
He left. I still don't understand why I say that. He was never really there so how could he leave?
He said he cared for me but I knew he didn't because he never asked about me, like what my favourite colour was, or my favourite song.
They say the heart tends to want what it can't have, so I guess my hand in yours will never fit.
I miss when he talked to me.
It's been like one and a half weeks, but it hurts.
I don't understand why I still think about him.
Bailey is what I should be worried about. I want to talk to her so bad. I just don't have to courage to. She's in love already. I can't ruin that. I never get what I want.
Tears escape my tear ducts, I'm so fucking sad. I can't handle it. I'm unable to handle this bullshit.
Without a plan I can't get anything.
I usually just wing things, I never think twice, I just go with the flow. That got me where I am today, and where I am today sucks.
I gave everyone all I got,
I guess this is all my fault.
Fuck.