Arabelle.

Terrifies.

" I think i'm losing you,
but i'll never regret choosing you. "

[ POV - Arabelle's ]

I haven't talked to Joel in more than one week.
I see him everyday at school,
and I no longer feel the need to cry.
I roll my eyes, and walk farther away from him, but I don't cry.
I no longer care for him anymore.
He can come back and tell me what's wrong, and I would blow him off because he wasn't there for me, so why should I be there for him?
The fact that Umbriel called me obsessive because I actually liked this guy made me horribly mad. I cut for 10 minutes straight just thinking about how fucking pathetic i am, thanks to Umbriel for reminding me.

This girl, Megan, is starting to like me. She hasn't said so herself, but her intentions are there.
She's a sweet, funny girl. I'm just not sure how that would work out.

Way back when I used to like this guy named Gio, he came back into my life recently, and he told me he was starting to like me. The next day he told me he had a girlfriend.
What
The
Fuck.
I actually liked him for a little bit but I no longer want to talk to him.

Bailey, She's this girl I met on social media. She's adorable, and she's going through a tough time and I just want to cuddle her and tell her things are going to be okay, but i'm not sure things are going to be okay.

Another guy, Jay, I met him on November 15th, 2014 and we made out the first day we met. We still talk. Is that true love or what? * sarcasm intended *.

What i'm trying to say is, a lot of people just came back into my life to stomp on me and leave again, some came for good reasons, and some never left.

I haven't been able to hold onto one feeling because it would change the next second.
Happy to sad
Sad to happy.
etc.
I'm so unstable it hurts.

I'm tired of everything.
My " friends "
My parents
Myself.
I just want to get rid of everything, and everyone.

I can never finish a complete thought. Everything is racing and it's getting harder to breathe.
Breathe.
I can't.
Today at school I closed my eyes and went to my happy place.

I've never made a happy place, until now.
It was nice.
No one was there, but me.
I think I like to be alone.
I just don't like feeling lonely.

Umbriel wasn't at school today,
I hope she's okay.
I think i'm still mad at her for calling me obsessed, it hurt a lot.
I'm not too sure though.
I could be mad at her for other reasons, many other reasons, but I guess i'll just say i'm mad at her because she called me obsessive.

Some day i'm going to leave high school, and i'm going to lose all the people i've known, and we're going to go our separate ways. I'm going to be on my own, and that terrifies me. I can't even handle living with someone else, let alone myself.
I can't handle the responsibilities now, let alone when I grow up.

Things are getting bad again and no one can see it.

Gio is ignoring me, maybe because he has a girlfriend.
Maybe because i'm ugly.
Maybe both.

We're reading " The color purple " in English. In the book they talk a lot about vaginas, boobs, and sex. People are still do immature that they laugh.
It's a fucking vagina. Get over it.

I don't want to go to school.
The thought of everyone around me makes me want to jump off of a roof. I don't want to pretend i'm happy for 8hours just to go home and do the same. I want people to know how hurt I am. How hurt they made me feel. They hurt me, but you mostly.