Arabelle.

Her.

And for a second I thought that you cared, silly me because that fucked me up more than liquor ever can.

The next morning was bullshit.
A hangover from hell.
She got her phone
" Fuck "
she whimpered because her brightness was too bright for her.
She lowered it and continued.
6 missed calls
18 unread messages
from Umbriel and Joel
" Ugh. what do they want? "
she got up and brushed her teeth to rid the horrid taste from her mouth.
" Arabelle, I'm sorry. You're a great friend and I appreciate you being so nice to me, but I don't see us being more than friends, you're a great friend"
Friendzoned.
It was Saturday, then Sunday, then came Monday and Arabelle didn't want to get up for school.
" Fuck this. "
Why would someone so miserable want to go to school and act like they're fine?
She went anyways.
That Monday she rolled her ass out of bed and put on the nearest black sweater and blue jeans.
As she entered school everyone stared. Everyone. She thought it was because her outburst at the party, but it wasn't. No, when she walked in she saw Joel, but that's not the only thing she saw. A big poster that said
" I'm Sorry. "
was plastered in his hands, with the help of others.
She didn't know what to do, she didn't know what to say. He obviously cared about her, but why? Why would someone like that care for someone like her?
She went up to him
" I .. I don- "
She stopped. She let out a big sigh and hugged him.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her.
All she wanted was to be held by him, and it happened.
She felt like the world around her was about to end. She let go.
" No. I'm sorry. "
She was happy, but her thoughts ruined that. All she could think about was Kasey.

Kasey was beautiful. Skinny, clear skin, long hair. Everything someone could ever ask for. She had one of the most beautiful faces. Arabelle was jealous of her. It was hard for her to admit it but she knew she was. Joel was in love with her. She repeated that to herself over, and overs again.
He loves her.
He loves her.
He loves her.
She couldn't get it out of her head.
She would never be his, even if she tried her hardest.
Joel sat with Arabelle during breakfast time and walked her to her first period.
Why?
Why was he being so nice?
Pity.
It was pity.
He wasn't being nice, he was giving her pity.
She didn't want pity. She wanted something real, but she would never find that.
" Why? Why can't I just find something real? Please Umbriel, please tell me why I can't find something real "
" What if it is ? "
When Umbriel said that she couldn't stop thinking about Kasey.
" It's not. If it was he wouldn't be with Kasey. "
She was right.
If he actually liked her he wouldn't be with Kasey. The worst thing ever is wondering if you should wait, or simply give up. Which one was she going to do?
She wasn't even sure. She didn't know what to do, what to say. So, she didn't do, or say, anything. The whole day she was mute. She was still. It was like she seized to exist.
Arabelle. What were you thinking? Falling in love with someone you had no chance with.
Stop.
Stop thinking so negative.
You're beautiful.
You're smart.
You're nice.
You're fine.
If Joel doesn't want to like you that's his problem.
If he doesn't see your beauty then why the fuck should you bother to care? If he doesn't care why should you? It's simple. Move on. He's not worth your time, or is he?

Chase him, or leave him? You choose.