Arabelle.

Angry.

I stopped loving you because you never started loving me.

[POV- Arabelle's ]

I put a blade to my wrist today.
The first time in 88 days.
Everything around me is tumbling down.

Joel left, for good this time. He sat next to me in 5th period, kept looking my way, but never said a thing. Why didn't he say anything? I wonder if he realises how much he hurt me just by looking at me. He didn't. He would've said something if he noticed, right? Why would you sit next to someone you hate? Why would you sit next to someone knowing what you're doing? That broke me. He's mean. I want to tell him how I feel but i simply just need to leave him alone. Leave him alone. Why would she, Umbriel, say that, because she know i'll never be good enough? I won't though. She's right. I'm setting myself up for failure. I'm hurt, and no one cares. They just leave. Everyone fucking leaves.

Umbriel has her head up her ass. She acts like her world revolves around Joseph. She depends on him, oh boy I can't wait until that ends. Everything ends. There are no forevers. When she's around Joseph she forgets anyone around her exists, and she treats people like shit. She smokes, even though Joseph tells her not to. She wants to kill herself and I think it's so fucking stupid because she has no fucking reason to be sad. Everything in her life is just fine, she just puts shit into her head. She's delusional. She doesn't care about anyone around her, she only pretends to. I've known her for 4 years, and this year she changed. She got drunk and her friend, alix, cut off all of her hair. So now she looks like a boy. Don't get me wrong, it looks nice, but why doesn't she learn from her mistakes? She came to school high today. She can be cool at times, most of the time to be honest, but she is no good. She's a bad influence, and a weak friend, and I now understand why my parents hate her. Ever since she started hanging around Joseph things changed, and no, I'm not blaming this on Joseph because this is all her fault. She acts different. I wonder what goes through her mind. Another thing that irritates me is that she can be a floozy. She has a boyfriend, yet she cat calls a whole bunch of guys. She was once going to send a nude to my friend, Ruben, when she is with Joseph. Yet she gets so upset that Joseph walks with another girl. She's a hypocrite.

I took a shower, cut again, and I stood there watching the blood stream down my thighs.
My day was shit. People are shit. Everything is shit. I'm tired. Maybe i'm saying this because I'm angry, or maybe it's the truth.