What We Could Be // cake

Chapter 65

Calum's POV.

I've become depressed again. That's why I've stopped talking to a lot of people, that's why I've stopped talking to Luke. The reason why I'm depressed is actually because I knew we were going to see our parents. I over heard someone talking about it, I don't know who. I didn't want to tell anyone else though, I wanted it to be a surprise for the others.

-

"Seriously Calum, I don't understand what makes you like boys!" Mom whispers.

"Why can't you just accept that I like boys?" I ask.

"Because it isn't normal. I want you to have a family Calum." Mom says.

"I will, just not have my own child. I can still get married, I can still adopt a child!" I say and mom sighs.

"Even if you do get a family and become a huge band, I will never be proud of you, you've drained my love because of this!" She scolds.

"Well you can't do shit mom. You can't make me stop loving Luke." I spit and she gasps.

"How dare you?" She asks.

"No mom, how dare you for not accepting me?" I shoot back.

"I never want to see you again," She spits coldly. "And I'll never let Mali or anyone else in the family see you again. Have fun finding a new last name." She spits and my heart splits in two.

"Mom... you can't fucking disown me!" I shout.

"Actually, I can." She says and walks off.

-

Tears fall down my face as the scene continues playing in my head. We're meant to be asleep but I can't sleep. There's too much pain. I sit up and look at the other three, they're all sleeping. I tip toe into the bathroom and stare at myself. I have dark circles under my eyes and they're red and puffy from crying. I splash some water on my face and rub my hands through my hair.

The pain doesn't go away. I look around. I know what I need. I look around for something sharp. Come on, there has to be something! I find a nail file. It's those kind that are sharp and pointy at the top and really really rough. I lock the door and right when I place the sharp bit on my skin, someone begins banging on the door.

"Calum! Get the hell out of there!" I hear and its Michael.

"Michael, I'm shitting, go away." I say with the tip still at my arm, my heart beats loudly, ready for the contact.

"No you aren't! I know exactly what the fuck you are doing!" He shouts.

"Calum!" I hear Ashton and Luke in the background.

"Shut up guys! This is good for me!" I shout and Michael groans and punches the door.

I press it to my skin and suck my breath in as I pull it across my skin.

"CALUM! FUCKING STOP!" Luke screams.

"NO! I DESERVE THIS! IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD!" I shout as I watch my blood drip into the sink.

I pull it across my skin again causing them all to shout at me.

"Listen to me Calum! I used to be depressed too okay? I did this too and you know what stopped me?" I hear ashton say. "Me realizing how stupid it is to just cut yourself! The fans saved me, my family, friends, everyone." he says a little calmer.

"Think about what the fuck you're doing! This isn't right! It's fucking stupid!" Ashton shouts.

It is stupid... but it makes the pain go away.