Child's Play - A Hermitcraft 8 AU

Not Gone Forever (he still loves me) - Etho

Summary: What if instead of Bdubs questioning if Etho still cares (after his death to red and Grian and Tango's tries at convincing Bdubs he was alone), it's Etho wondering if Bdubs still cares after Etho didn't do even near enough to keep him alive during the final battles.

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<BdoubleO100> was shot by Grian

No.

NO no no no no no.

They'd said they'd be a team. Even if difficulties came between them, they wouldn't abandon the other. They'd put each other first (or at least, they would if they really cared. If they really listened to Skizz's persistent explaining at what friendship and love and brotherhood really were).

Instead he left his friend. Instead he wouldn't freely give a life. He put his friend in risk just for the existence of a red name to be gone. (Etho wasn't one to think positively, but if it really got bad, he could think about the fact that there were two less red names to worry about now. But that just made it sound like he hated his buddy, and he didn't, but apparently he didn't care enough that he'd give up his life).

"Now's not the time," he told his swirling guilt, knowing that the group he was in could easily read him if he wore his emotions on his sleeve. They were in a war for goodness' sake. There was no time to replay the past. That could be left for when he got back to the Shattered Savannah.

Right now he had to fight for a group he didn't care about, that was just made up of a lot of yellow and green names. They were nice people, sure. They'd asked how he was doing a few times after the death, probably seeing a bit of his pain, but they were being respectful. Sure they knew how it was, and that's why they were giving him pity.

Scott had tried helping, talking through how he handled the grief when Jimmy was gone. They'd been close, if Etho recalled correctly, although he didn't really want to spend the energy to recall memories tucked away. Cleo had been dead last season before Bdubs, but she had good things to say about him, after getting over her very strong initial reaction of him killing Impulse before even touching Scar, the one who had threatened the duo over and over again. Ever her retelling her experiences, Etho could see the frustration towards the betrayal that occurred so long ago.

So instead of him feeling any better, he was more helping Cleo talk through all her frustration and resentment towards the other members. She seemed quite a bit calmer after all that, and thanked him for his time, but as soon as she walked away, he was reminded of how alone he was.

Although he was one not to get lonely, and one that could deal with sticking to himself for very long amounts of time, months or more on end, this still hit him hard. And it wasn't for any rational reason which was both annoying and confusing (and probably even more annoying because it was confusing). At the end of the day, he'd see Bdubs again. This was just a game.

After everyone went to sleep on the mats of wool on the cave floor, Etho got up to properly process for once. Except this processing was more calming his breathing that was getting more erratic by the second, even if no one could tell, instead of thinking through feelings and the likes.

It was only a slight comfort to know he'd see Bdubs again. He'd go to Hermitcraft and they'd probably meet up as they'd been doing lately. With the whole "child's curse" thing going on, it helped having someone else, even if they were just as young and irresponsible as you, to talk to. And Bdubs was good with hugs, so there was that.

"But what if Bdubs just doesn't want to see me?" Surely Bdubs was mad at Grian for killing him, but it was Etho that wouldn't give up his life and Etho who seemed to just turn on Bdubs when he went red.