Daddy Issues - Technoblade Angst

Chapter 5

Philza's POV

TW: mentions killing, yelling, swearing, crying, voices, intrusive thoughts, self hate, mentions death, scars, Self harm, blood, having others find out/walk in on self harm

I sat in the grass outside the factory while Techno made sure we hadn't left anything important behind. I watched and waited for the boys to show up yet I was also stuck in my thoughts.

Wilbur was hunting me. Because he apparently believed I'd killed him.

I sat there, trying to figure out a plan. We'd go to the cottage... and then what? North, East, West or South? I didn't have a plan.

"I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS ANYMORE!" I screamed at the sky, as tears ran down my face.

I buried my face in my hands and sobbed as intrusive thoughts entered my mind.

Just die.

If you'd just saved him you wouldn't be leading others to their deaths.

This is your fault.

Just do it.

"No please... it's been years..." I sobbed. But nonetheless I grabbed my knife out of my belt.

I pulled up my sleeve and took a shaky breath.

"No please-" I cried but I still brought the blade towards my skin.

My ugly, scarred skin.

I could feel the cold metal of the blade slit through my skin.

1 cut.

Then another.

Then just a few more.

Then a few more. Until my arms were red.

I could feel the warm blood dripping off my skin. I stared as it fell onto the grass, staining it red.

I brought the blade up to my skin when I heard a yelp.

"DAD?"

I heard it, but I didn't register, and put another slit in my skin.

I felt arms around my shoulders. Hugging me.

I turned my head and saw Tubbo hugging me tightly as Ranboo and Tommy rushed over.

"Please, Dad... don't do this." He whispered.

"I'm sorry Tubs." I mumbled.

I barely even registered it as Ranboo cleaned and disinfected my arm, before bandaging it up.

I didn't see the tears running down Tommy's face.

I didn't notice Technoblade come back.

Hell, I didn't even realise I'd gotten up and started guiding everyone else towards the cottage.

Gradually we all stopped crying.

It was your fault that they were crying in the first place.

I shook my head aggressively, trying to shake the horrible thoughts out of my head.

But before I knew it, we were at the burnt out cottage, with jasmine and wisteria climbing up the remaining walls and fences. Blue poppies were scattered throughout the tall grass and the planter boxes. A clementine tree was at one side.

"What if we camped out here for maybe a day or two- longer if we can before setting out somewhere else." I asked everyone else.

When we heard a bang from inside.

We all pulled out our weapons.

And we watched as Wilbur walked through the door.

"Well... it looks like I won't have to hunt for you after all."

E/N: OOHOOHOO THIS IS EXCITING