Daddy Issues - Technoblade Angst

Chapter 19

Technoblade's POV

TW: mentions death and miscarriage, mentions car crashes

I sat down next to the flowing river. I knew this was a dream. I had visited this place while asleep so many times.

I watched as the fireflies went close to the surface of the water, as the flowers swayed in the slight breeze.

I sighed calmly. This was nice.

"I thought you'd like it here." A voice that made my heart ache said.

I turned to see my mother sitting next to me. The beautiful woman that had been with me in the car crash. That had died for me. I wanted to weep, but no tears could come.

"I picked this dream place for you. Each person has a different dream place, picked by their family members who have passed away. Some people don't visit theirs often, others do. Some people have good ones, others have bad ones."

"What's everyone else's dream place?" I asked quietly.

"Ranboo's was picked by xyr mother. She picked the house she lived in after she left. She didn't know many places, other than that house and where you rescued Ranboo from. So she picked the one, less likely to give them nightmares. Not that it was too much better."

"Tubbo's is a flower field, filled with bees and flowers picked by my Grandmother, your great grandmother. She was a beekeeper, you see, and he was the only one who inherited the love of bees."

"Tommy's is an arcade, picked by Phil's brother who died in the womb. There's an arcade up here that he adores and he thought Tommy would too. So that's what he picked."

"Wilbur's was picked by Mozart-"

I cut her off there. "What do you mean Mozart? Didn't you say they had to be related to us?"

"He is. Distantly but still related. He picked Vienna because he lived there. It actually helped inspire Wilbur's song, Since I Saw Vienna." She explained.

We sat in a comfortable silence for a while before she turned back to me. "I'm sorry you blame yourself for this."

That line almost broke me.

"If you hadn't turned the car so you'd take the impact you'd be alive!"

"I'm sorry I loved my son so much that I saved his life," She said mockingly, "No, Tech. It's completely fine. It's not your fault. I've gone through the millions of scenarios with that car crash. In every single one I died. Sometimes you died with me. But I always passed away. In every single version. It was always my time to die."

That thought brought some comfort to me.

The thought that even if she had tried to save herself, she couldn't have. It wasn't my fault. It was just her time to leave me.

"I'm sorry you had to be there to witness it." She whispered hoarsely.

We hugged each other and cried, the tears falling into the river of my dream place.