Daddy Issues - Technoblade Angst

Chapter 13

Ranboo's POV

TW: weapons, blades, mentions stabbing, chokehold/carotid restraint, flashbacks, abuse, misgendering, screaming, swearing, transphobia, crying, fainting, panic attack

CW: dirty joke (it's platonic it's just to add humour to the situation, nothing more.)

E/N Jesus Kai, you really loaded this with angst

I gazed down at the daggers I'd chosen to learn to fight with. They had- what I was assuming based on the colours- a Mozambique ruby and a Russian emerald set in the hilt of each blade.

But I didn't just pick these because they were beautiful and unique. I picked them because I was scared of them.

I was still somewhat terrified of blades from when I got stabbed. I wanted to learn how to take control of that fear. So that I was in control of it.

I sat invested in my thoughts for a few more minutes before hearing a loud snap from where Tubbo was standing. A fallen tree was next to him.

"It only took two swings!" Tubbo said excitedly.

Wilbur looked surprised, but he shook it off. "Great job Tubbo! Let's work on getting it in one blow! But only two... god, Tubbo I didn't realise how strong you were. That's really impressive!" Wilbur said excitedly. Tubbo nodded happily and moved to a different tree while Tommy was reloading his crossbow. Then Wilbur turned to me.

"You ready?" I nodded excitedly. These daggers looked so cool.

The first thing he did was take the daggers out of my hand and replace them with markers and take off his shirt. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Take me to dinner first jeez." I joked, making Wilbur laugh. (A/N platonic.) (E/N still funny)

"So take the lid off the markers and I want you to come at me, pretending they're the daggers. Pretend to stab me. Get as many marks on me as you can." Wilbur explained.

That made a lot more sense honestly.

Should I go straight in or be more subtle?

"Straight in I guess." I muttered under my breath.

So I began running towards Wilbur, markers in hand.

In one swift fluid motion he had me in a carotid restraint. Not enough to make me unconscious but it still hurt.

But I began to tear up as my mind slipped back into a past event.

I was 11 and my Dad had me in a carotid restraint.

"You stupid boy! You're a fucking idiot! Thinking you're anything other than a boy. There's only two genders!" He screamed.

Black was slowly closing in on my vision, and I felt my body growing limp.

"That's right, you stupid coward. Go and faint like the stupid little boy you are. GO HIDE FROM YOUR PROBLEMS, YOU SCARED LITTLE SHIT!"

I felt the arm around my throat release, bringing me back to the present day.

I could feel the tears running down my cheeks. "Hey Boo, am I allowed to hug you?" I heard someone say. The voice sounded distant but familiar. Welcoming and warm and calming. I nodded, still cautious.

I felt arms engulf me and I began sobbing into someone's sweater.

"I want you to name 5 things you can hear." Another friendly and calm voice murmured quietly.

"My breathing, your voice- umm some birds singing- the wind and leaves falling." I mumbled.

"Now 4 things you can feel."

"The sweater, my hair touching the back of my neck, my tears and the clothes I'm wearing."

"Really good. Three things you can see?"

"I can't really see much. It's all hazy." I mumbled.

"That's okay. Can you name 3 of the hazy colours you can see?"

"Umm I can see orange, brown and red."

"That's great. Now two things you can smell?"

"The person who's hugging me's deodorant and lavender fabric wash."

"Good job. Now for 1 thing you can taste."

"I can taste the breakfast aftertaste."

I hadn't realised it but my heart rate had slowed to a steadier rate and my breathing was more normal and calm.

"You did so well, Monarch." I heard Tommy whisper in my ear. I realised it was him hugging me.

"Thanks Toms." I mumbled.

(E/N awe :( <3)