all we have is now / feral boys fanfiction

~19~ lexi

~two months later~

I walk into the guy's house without knocking. I practically live here now, so they don't even comment anymore.

"You're late," Clay rolls his eyes.

"It's my appointment," I roll my eyes, "plus you're the only one down here."

"I'm here," Nick says as he walks down the stairs he gives me a quick peck on the lips, causing Clay to fake gag.

"Don't be jealous," I say innocently as I plop onto their couch. "We all know he likes me better. I think it's my hair." I flip my hair over my shoulder.

"Oh don't lie to yourself," Clay rolls his eyes, taking a sip from a glass of water. "You're just jealous you don't have these blond locks."

"Your hair is boring while mine is fun and curly," I counter.

"That's a weird way to say a mess," he chuckles.

I stick my middle finger in the air for him to see. He just chuckles a bit at my antics.

"You ready to say goodbye to Lydia?" Nick ignores me and Clay's banter.

"No," I cross my arms and pout.

Today we're going to the dealership to get a new car for me, and the boys are taking Lydia to the scrap yard. Last week I had to get the boys to bring my spare key to me because my key stopped working. After that I got it working again, but they are insistent that it's still too dangerous.

"It's for the best," Nick gives me a kiss on the head.

"And safer too," Clay laughs as he walks back to the kitchen sink.

I flip him off which he returns one back promptly.

~a very long time later~

"I don't like any of these," I say as we look at one of the last cars on the lot.

"You've said that about every car," Nick groans, clearly tired of me being indecisive.

"I just don't know if any will get to live up to Lydia." I sigh as we walk back up to the front of the dealership.

"There wasn't a single one you liked?" Clay asks, wiping sweat from his forehead. The sun decided to pay Florida a quick visit, along with its friend humidity.

Nick walks over to a red car that caught his eye.

I think back to all the cars we've seen today. None of them made me feel safe like Lydia does except one.. "I liked the first one we looked at."

Clay let's out a frustrated sigh. "Seriously? We looked at almost thirty cars, and you liked the very first one?"

I nod. My cheeks burn a little red from making them go through so much.

Nick reads a tag on the car a couple meters away from us for a moment.

"That would be the Toyota Camry," the car salesman pitched in. He's been so quiet I almost forgot he was here.

Clay rolls his eyes, turning to me. "You already have a Toyota Camry."

"Well I have a type," I hold my head a little higher. "Plus, Lydia is silver, and I want to get a black one now."

Nick walks back to my side and wraps an arm around me.

"That'll look good with the hot pink duck tape you'll put on it eventually." Clay jokes.

"Don't give her ideas," Nick sighs.

I ignore them both. "Let me call Karl," I say as I pull out my phone.

"Very nice," Karl says as I show him the ins and outs of my new car. "Are you getting the platinum?"

I shrug and turn to the salesman. "Am I getting the platinum?"

"It's up to you," the man replies, "It only costs a little more."

"Nah I won't," I say as I turn back to Karl. It's just a car. I don't think I need a bunch of different things.

"If that's what you want," he sounds distracted by something until he gets a little excited. "Can I tell him a story?"

"No Karl," I warn, knowing exactly what he's going to say.

"It's just the one about you when you were two and you po-"

I hang up on him before he can finish.

"One day we'll find out," Nick chuckles as we walk inside the dealership.

"Hopefully not anytime soon," I mumble. I tug on Nick's sleeve like a little kid, reminding him, "I want to say goodbye to Lydia."

"I know," he whispers, "You will."

The boys drive my new car while I drive Lydia to the rock by myself. I can't see the whole view because I'm a little too far from the edge, but it's enough. I put the car in park and sit for a moment in silence.

"Alright, girl." I whisper to the car as if she can hear me. "This might be the end for us, but I wanted to thank you for being there for me."

I take a deep breath.

"Thanks for being there when I had my first kiss and for my first heartbreak. Thanks for breaking down at the town border when I tried to run away." My voice begins to break at the end of my sentence, but I cover it up as I laugh to myself.. "I don't want to drag this out, but thank you for the memories and for being an amazing constant in my life."

I glance in the rear view mirror to see Nick and Clay waiting patiently, leaning on my new car.

"But I think I found some other really great constants to make new memories with.." I put my hand on the keys in ignition.

"I love you, Lydia. You've been a great car."

I turn the engine off with a heavy feeling. I get out of the car and accidentally slam the door a little too hard. Something flunks on the other side of the vehicle.

I walk to the other side. There in the grass lies my mirror with a piece of duct tape wrapped around it.

She made it as long as she needed to.

"You ready?" Nick asks softly.

I nod. I hand my actual keys to Nick. "I want those back for memories."

"I'll keep them safe and sound." He puts them into his pocket.

I lean down and pick up the fallen mirror. Clay opens his mouth to say something.

"Don't," I warn.

"Are you really keeping that?" he asks, ignoring my warning.

"Yes I am," I nod. I open my new car's trunk and place the mirror into it. "Lexi will keep her safe."

"Who the fuck is Lexi?" Clay asks.

"My new car, idiot." I roll my eyes.

The boys walk over to Lydia. They're going to take her to the scrap yard where she will forever stay as her grave.

"Maybe her naming them is the reason why she has such an emotional attachment," Clay's voice fades off into the distance. I choose to ignore his comment.

I stay at the rock for a little longer. I have one more thing I must do in order to memorialize Lydia correctly.

I squeeze my hand around my spare set of keys as I walk to the rock. I only want to keep my actual set for memories. This pair doesn't have as much sentimental value to them except saving me in desperate times. This pair is okay to be used to spread metaphorical ashes.

I take a deep breath before throwing the keys as far down the cliff as Incoule. My eyes follow them in the air until they disappear completely. Gone, but never forgotten.

"Goodbye, Lydia." I whisper.

~author's note~

rest in peace lydia... we will forever love you, you duct-tape-loving queen

hope you guys have an amazing day<33