all we have is now / feral boys fanfiction

~33~ clay

~dream pov~

"Nick?" I ask through the closed door. He hasn't been out of his room in a long time. He just sits in his bed all day everyday for the past two weeks. The only time he even eats is when I leave food outside his door.

"Nick? Please open the door." I press my head against the door, feeling defeated.

"You need to eat," I say. He really needs get out of the room at some point. "Please?"

No response.

The last time any of us have seen him was at the funeral. He doesn't answer our texts or calls. He won't talk when we come to his door. He's locked himself in there for too long, and it's not healthy.

"That's it," I whisper, putting my hand on the doorknob, "I'm coming in, Nick."

The room is dark. And smells musty.

It doesn't even look like anyone has lived in here actually. Everything seems pretty clean, expect a couple piles of clothes. And the bed. The bed is a jumbled mess with a lump in the middle.

I sigh. Poor Nick.

I place the food next to the lump, and I squat next to the bed.

"Can you at least talk to me?" I ask quietly.

It's quiet for a few moments before the lump begins to shift. Nick sits up a little straight, struggling a little bit.

His hair is all messed up, and his eyes are red and puffy. He looks like he's been through it, which I can't blame him because he has.

"What am I supposed to even say?" he asks. His voice is rough after not talking. The only sounds we've heard him are when he screams in his sleep.

The first night we all heard it, we rushed to his room only to find the door locked. We slammed on the door to wake him up. I ended up having to get a key to check on him. He was just laying in the bed asleep. We questioned if we really heard it correctly until he did it right in front of us.

He let out a yell of agony. Pure pain enraptured in a single sound. My entire heart ripped into two. Alex closed the door, and we all silently agreed to never speak of it out loud.

I thought it would only be that night, but it's every night now. Every single night.

"What am I supposed to say, Clay?" Nick repeats himself.

"We can talk about it," I suggest.

He makes a face of disgust as he scrunches his nose.

"Or not," I say, "We can talk about anything. It doesn't matter."

He stares off into space.

I take his silence as a moment to talk. "We could order something to eat. We could watch a movie. Maybe take a shower. Anything. I just think you should get out of this room."

He grunts. That's his response.

We fall into another silence. I refuse to leave until I get him to do something. Even if it's just switching his hoodie, I'll be happy.

He purses his lips, thinking long and hard about what I had said.

"We can't just talk about anything, Clay." He sounds tired.

"What?" I ask quietly.

Nick puts the food I got him on his bedside table, and he stands up on the bed. He climbs off the bed and to a pile of close. He picks up a single shirt and grabs a small, black object off the pile.

He walks back to me and looks up with me. Anger and sadness fill his eyes, battling one another for which is the stronger emotion.

"We can't just talk about anything, Clay," he repeats, "We can't just say anything because we lost her. We lost the best thing that's ever come into our lives, and it hurts. Every single day I wish I could take away her pain. I wish I could've gone on that walk with her. I wish I went looking for her when she didn't show up for that stream."

The pain is winning now. It clouds his eyes, making them a gray color like storm clouds before a hurricane.

"We can't just say anything because we lost the love of my life." He clutches the item in his hand as if was the single most important thing in the world. He clutches it as if it would kill him if it wasn't in his grasp. "So, what are we supposed to talk about?"

I'm the silent one now. I can't find words to tell him it's going to be okay. I can't just tell him it's going to be okay when his entire world is crashing down. I've heard his screams. I've heard his pain.

He lost the love of his life.

"Exactly." Nick sounds as if his speech was the most tiring thing he's ever done. It's probably the most he's done in a while I don't know if I should be proud or sad.

Nick crawls back into his bed, not wanting to hear my opinion.

I don't really have a strong opinion about this though. Wouldn't I do the same thing? Aren't we all doing the same thing in our own ways? His way is just laying here in his little lump.

"She would want you to try and move on," I say quietly, "You should try to shower at least. If not for me than for her.

The lump heaves up and down. He's crying.

Oh, Nick.

"I wanted to do a lot for her," Nick holds a single hand out from under the covers, holding the square, black item. "A lot."

I take a step closer. I grab the object from him. My jaw drops silently as I realize what I'm looking at. It's a box.

"Were you going to?" I ask before opening.

"Mhm"

Oh, Nick.

I open the box to reveal the most beautiful, simplistic ring. It's perfect.

"It took me three weeks to pick the best one." Nick explains from his lump. "That's actually one of a kind. Nobody else will ever have that exact ring. Actually, nobody will ever have that ring."

I don't say anything and let him continue to talk.

"I even asked permission from her parents and Karl. I was going to do it." He's quiet for a moment as he cries. "I was going to."

I place a hand on his back. He's more heartbroken than I could've ever imagined, and now I know exactly why.

Nick was going to propose to Taegan.

~author's note~

i promise all the chapters won't be this depressing

also for all of you who pronounce it TEEgan.. how in the world do you pronounce Tae?

hope you're enjoying <33