all we have is now / feral boys fanfiction

~30~ karl jacobs

~karl pov~

Telling my mother and father that their one and only daughter died tonight was not easy at all.

My mom broke into tears immediately. My dad was quiet for a long time. Actually we were all quiet for a long time except for the quiet sobs of my mother.

My brain can't quite wrap around what happened. I mean, how long ago was I with her? Wasn't I helping prepare a post-surgery room for Celeste just a week ago? Has it really only been a week?

She was supposed to be visiting us in a month for a video. Now that's never going to happen. Who's going to replace her? Can anyone even replace her? I don't think they could.

It takes an hour until I get off call with my parents. I bury my head in my hands once I'm alone.

Little Taegan.. Little baby of the family Taegan..

It had to be just yesterday when she fell off the jungle gym at the park, or when she had a blue mouth from a lollypop. That two year old Taegan who could never get a smile off her face.

Even twenty year old Taegan always had a smile on her face. She was a light.

She always has been, and I hope I was able to convey how much she meant to me before it was too late. Even if I didn't, it's already too late. My little sister is gone.

~ ~ ~

"Karl?" Taegan knocks on the door even though she's already opening it.

"What?" I spit as I continue to play games. I'm on a win streak.

"I'm going out with some friends. We're just going to play laser tag and the arcade." She sits on my bed to my right. "Would you want to come with?"

"Um, I'm kind of busy right now," I say as a round ends. "Maybe another time?"

She sighs. "Karl, school is about to start, and you're going to be a senior. You know there's no next time in this case. Next year at this time you'll be packing for college, and I'm going to be stuck here."

My mouse pauses over the new game button. Next year I will be going off to college, but this won't be our last time to hang out ever. We still have the weekends all year. We're still going to be siblings. We have so long with each other. Just because I'm eighteen and an adult won't make any difference.

We're only a three year age difference. She'll be out of high school by the time I'm twenty-one. We're going to be able to hang out then, and times in between then.

"What are you even talking about?" I giggle a little bit. "We're going to be in each other's lives until we're like eighty."

"Yeah I guess," she messes with the corner of my blanket. "I just thought it would be nice to hang out before school started."

"We'll make time," I take a sip of water, "We'll go get food or something."

She lets out another sigh, "okay."

"Was that all?" I ask, once again hovering over the starting button.

She nods and walks out of my room.

~ ~ ~

I wrack my brain. Did we ever hang out before school started? Did we ever go get food?

I don't think we did.

That was before Mr. Beast. That was before the Dream SMP. That was before we became best friends.

I really took our time for granted. I thought about the fact that I'd be twenty-one when she graduated high school, but I never took into the fact that after that we would only have two years after that.

I hate that I took so much time together away from us. It's all my fault too. How many times had she wanted to hang out, and I just pushed her away? What a horrible brother I am.

I am glad that this past year we became closer than ever. I'm so glad she was integrated into my friend group. I hope I never forget some of those moments.

And I hope I never take my time with someone for granted ever again.