all we have is now / feral boys fanfiction

~28~ georgenotfound

~george pov~

Vegas pulls towards the ambulance. The same ambulance that just carried a covered gurney into the back.

Vegas knows what's going on. He's smart. He pulls and pulls and pulls towards the ambulance, but I just stand there watching it fade into the distance. I watch it drive away. I watch it take her away.

Nick is crying. I can tell Clay is on the verge of tears but is trying to stay strong for Nick.

I just continue to stand there, staring off into the distance. I'm not quite right next to them because I went to get the dog. Now I wish I didn't.

If I didn't I wouldn't have gotten the perfect view of them checking her pulse. I wouldn't have seen them pick her up and put her on the gurney. I wouldn't have seen them put the blanket over her body. Her dead body.

Taegan was just with us. She just went grocery shopping this afternoon. There's no way they're carrying her body off. There's no way.

Vegas yanks harder forward with a whimper when the ambulance takes a right turn and out of view completely. He's smart. He knows who that is and what's going on.

"I can take him into the backyard," one of our neighbors tells me. I turn my head to see an old lady.

I recognize her immediately. Her name is Ms. Rose. Taegan helped with her garden last Spring. Ms. Rose couldn't bend over to plant things after she had knee surgery, so Taegan spent hours and hours planting for her. They would talk the whole time. I remember Taegan coming home all excited because she 'planted roses for Ms. Rose'. Tae always loved a bit of irony.

Ms. Rose puts a hand on my shoulder. "I got Vegas," she smiles, "You go help him." She nods her head towards Nick, who is sitting on the curb now.

"Thank you," My voice sounds thick. I hate showing emotion like this. It makes me feel awkward and vulnerable. I would rather have broke down alone in my room, not in front of an old lady.

I sit on the curb next to Nick, but I don't say a word. My gaze focuses on the glass scattered on the ground. My eyes scan the shards as they catch the light just perfectly. I swallow once when they go across the ones with a dark liquid seeping through the pavement.

"Please, just let me apologize," someone yells loudly. "I just want to apologize to her."

A guys stumbles over to the glass, going against the police pushing him back. "Where did she go?" he slurs after seeing there was no body at the scene anymore.

The police mumble something I can't hear.

"What?" he breathes out in disbelief. He glances up so quickly that I can't look away fast enough.

He holds eye contact with me, and for some reason I can't break it. I want to look away, but I keep it just as much as he does.

I know exactly who he is. He's the driver. He caused all of this. He killed Taegan.

"Let's go, sir," the police puts a hand on the man's back. He continues to watch me as he's being pushed away, and then he resists. He resists and walks towards the three of us.

We're all sitting on the curb, and I'm the only one who realizes he was walking towards us.

"Who are you guys?" the drunk points to each of us.

Clay and Nick both look up from the ground and to him.

Clay sighs. "We're her friends."

The man nods as if he already knew that and just wanted to confirm. He puts a hand to his chin, thinking hard about something. "Do you guys know where she is?" he asks us, "They say she's going to the hospital, but I don't know who to trust."

Nick's eyes are on the ground again. His hands are balled up into fists. I want to scoot closer to help him, but for some reason I can't move. I'm frozen in fear. In grief.

"What's your name?" Clay asks him.

"Alaric," he answers gruffly.

"Listen, Alaric," Clay sighs again, clearly wanting to be anywhere but here. "I'm going to tell you the truth."

I chew the inside of my cheek. What is he doing?

"She didn't make it, man." Clay tells him straight, "She didn't make it, and it's kind of your fault." He stands up, "So if you'll excuse us, we'd like to go home now."

"She didn't.." the man stumbles backward, then sits down in the glass shards. That has to hurt. "She didn't make it?"

Clay ignores the man now. He holds a hand out to Nick, "Let's go home."

Nick ignores his offer for help and gets up on his own. He walks ahead of both of us.

Clay and I glance one more time at the drunk man. His shoulders shake violently as he cries into his hands.

"Remind me to never name my kid Alaric," Clay mumbles before walking.

My eyes are still on the crying man. I don't feel a bit of remorse for him.

He took Taegan away. He killed her. He made a dumb decision, and it's because of him we don't have our best friend. He's most likely going to jail, and that's not even something in our control.

I thought I would feel relieved to walk into the house, but the pressure in my chest remains the same. Nick went up to his room and slammed the door. Clay leans both elbows on the kitchen island and buries his head into his hands.

He lets out the a long breath. "Who's going to tell Karl and Alex?"

My stomach drops. I didn't even think of that yet.

Karl and Alex. Her brother and best friend. How are we going to tell them that their beloved Taegan is gone.

I shrug. I really don't want to do it. None of us are going to want to do it. I can barely walk. My legs feel robotic as they try to make it to their destination. My whole body has gone into autopilot after seeing her in that condition.

The scrapes.. The road burn.. The blood..

I shudder a little just thinking about it.

"I'll let them know," Clay pushes himself away from the island and towards his room.

And then I'm left all alone.

The first thing I do is suck all the air in the room through my teeth. I'm not even sure this is real. I can't fathom it. It's too much.

My eyes land on a red box of cake mix. I chuckle a bit to myself at the irony.

Taegan bought that for after the stream tonight. She said she was craving cake, so she was going to make some.

We all knew she meant she was going to attempt until Clay stepped in and did it all. He wouldn't have been able to handle her inability to bake.

I swallow once. I hate that she left before getting her cake. What happens when you leave the Earth without satisfying a craving? Do you just forever have that on your mind? Will she just always be wishing to have had some cake before she... she left.

I shake my head. She didn't leave, George. She died.

Leaving would've been by choice. That would mean she willingly left us and wanted to go away. That's not the case. She didn't choose this. Her life was ripped from her grasp.

Her happy life was ripped away from her. I mean, she was happy.

"Does that mean nothing?" I whisper out loud, "Why her of all people?"

Why did she have to die? Couldn't she have stayed here with us forever?

I sigh, knowing I'll never really get my answers. I grab the cake mix, not wanting this particular box to be made ever. I trudge robotically and numbly up the stairs. I just want to go to bed.

~author's note~

i dont know what to say.. i'm sorry