all we have is now / feral boys fanfiction

~34~ karl

~karl pov~

Alex and I are still in Florida after the funeral. We've all been mourning together. I don't even know what this would be like if I was all alone. I'd probably be like Nick, stuck in my room with no contact with anyone.

Alex, George and I are sitting in silence on our phones in the living room. All of us have taken a collective break off of social media. We didn't really talk about how we were going to take a break, so we haven't talked about when we're going to go back onto social media. I'm not sure any of us are ready either though.

Footsteps descend down the stairs. It's probably Clay. He went upstairs with food for Nick since Nick doesn't seem to want to leave his room. I feel so sorry for him, knowing what was supposed to happen tonight.

"He was going to propose?" Clay asks loudly as he walks into the room.

"What?" Alex looks up immediately.

I try to keep my face calm, although my stomach just dropped to the floor and a sinking feeling continues to sit right in the middle. 

Clay is talking directly to me right now. I'm the only on who could've known the plan. It was supposed to be a big big surprise for everyone, and we all know some people in this room can't keep secrets. 

I thought I would just keep quiet after she died, until Nick was ready to tell people. I guess that moment came just a couple minutes ago, so I hope I'm ready to explain now. 

"He was going to propose to her?" Clay asks again. His voice is just barely above a whisper. He sits next to George and buries his face in his hands.

"How do you know?" George asks.

"Because I saw the fucking ring that's how," Clay snaps. He whispers a little sorry after a moment.

Alex glances to me. "Did you know?"

I nod. "He was planning to do it today. I think that's why it's so hard."

Alex tilts his head back onto the headrest. "Poor guy."

"He loved her so fucking much," Clay thinks out loud, "And now she's gone."

We all loved her, but Nick was in love with her. He was ready to spend the rest of their lives together. I remember the day he asked for our blessing to ask Taegan to marry him.  Afterwards I sat in my room and stared at the ceiling. I couldn't quite wrap my head around little Taegan getting married. Wasn't she just turning two? She's too little to get married. 

My heart hurts for Nick. His love's life was cut too short, and they never even got to start the rest of their lives.

"This sucks," I say with a sigh.

Clay chuckles. It sounds almost villainous. He tilts his head towards me. "Ya think?"

"We just need to get him out of this rut," Alex says, ignoring Clay, "He can't stay up there forever."

"I tried," Clay shrugs his shoulders, "I don't know what to do."

"We just have to keep trying," I pick up my phone to check the time. "We have to be."

I get up from my seat and walk to the room I'm staying in. The boys know where I'm going. The same thing I do every day at 4:00.

I let the phone ring. It takes three rings for an answer.

"Hello?" she sounds surprised to be getting a call, although she knows it's me.

"Hey Mom," I try my best to sound cheerful, "I just wanted to call and check on you."