all we have is now / feral boys fanfiction

~39~ dream

~dream pov~

 I grab a green plate from the cupboard. We have a total of six, all matching. We used to have one blue plate for Taegan, but I hid it away after she died. Nobody was using it anyways.

I put some leftover chicken on it and place it in the microwave. I'm the only one home right now. Nick and George went to the grocery store. I wanted to edit a video, so I stayed home. Plus, it wouldn't work with the whole faceless thing. I dread the day they get recognized in public while I'm there.

I take a sip of my water, no clue what to do. I scan the room for Patches. I walk to the living room. The couch is usually her favorite place to a nap if it's night, but she prefers the sunlight that comes through Nick's window during the day.

I glance at the couch for a split second and drop my cup. There on the couch is Taegan in all white. Flipping me off.

It's gone when I do the second take, and I have to rub my eyes.

I glance down at the shards of glass surrounding my feet.

~ ~ ~

"Shit," Taegan whispers as she kneels to the floor to pick up the green plate she just dropped.

"Taegan, don't-"

"Ow," she says before I can even finish my sentence.

"-pick that up." I finish my sentence.

She laughs at herself. "I'm an idiot, aren't I?"

"Only a little," I say as I go into the pantry for a broom.

She's holding her red hand when I walk back into the room.

"Is it okay?" I ask. I quickly sweep up the broken pieces into one pile to be kept out of the way. We should probably put some shoes on too, so nobody steps on the glass.

"It should be fine," She winces in pain, which makes me furrow my brow.

I pick her hand up to inspect the cut. It's deeper than I thought, probably because it was such a large chunk of glass.

"You might need stitches." I look up to meet her eyes.

She pouts. "That sounds like it would hurt."

"It'll be better than that." I gesture towards her bleeding hand. "I'll grab you a towel and some shoes."

I toss her a towel from the drawer before going up to her room. I grab sandals, so she can just slip them on.

She's attempting to sweep the glass into a dustpan when I walk back into the kitchen.

"Would you cut that out?" I shoo her away. "You're injured."

I place the shoes on the floor for her to put on, and I finish sweeping up the mess. I throw the pieces into a bag and put that bag into another bag for a safe measure. I'll put it in the outside trash for a safe measure.

"Look my other hand works fine," Taegan laughs.

I turn to see what she's talking about, and she has her middle finger up towards me.

"What a relief," I roll my eyes as I grab my keys off the counter, "You ready?"

~ ~ ~

"Shit," I whisper as I stare down at the glass surrounding my feet.

I clean the glass up before Patches or anyone else steps into it. I can't believe I hallucinated her ghost today.

I've been doing so well, too. I still think about her everyday, but it's not as heart-wrenching as it used to be. It's just little thoughts throughout my days until one day something like this happens.

Some days I get visions of her, or I've forgotten that she's gone and try to call her. Those are the days I spend in my room by myself. Those are the days I let myself cry over it, and I just wallow. I look through pictures and rewatch her vods. If nobody's home, I'll sit outside her door and talk. It's sad, I know, but that's become my reality.

I sigh after I throw the glass away. I can't let this get to me. Not today.

It's one of those things of self love where I know I shouldn't wallow and overthink the vision I had. I know it was in my head. It was most likely a trick of the light. I can't wallow every time something like this happens. It's been two months since it happened.

Maybe I'll let myself have a day of wallowing once a month. The rest of the days I need to work hard on moving on. It's the only way it'll get better. I've seen the way Nick isn't okay for days at a time before coming semi-normal. I've seen the way Karl pretends it's okay when he's obviously not. I've even seen George hovering by her door, wondering if he should open it.

We're all a little messed up after the accident, but we're getting better day by day. I can see it in our smiles, in the way we're slowly starting to stream again. Slowly we're finding a new normal but not forgetting our past.

~author's note~

honestly dream is doing pretty good when it comes to trying to get closure.. but this flashback was the first one i thought of doing

also i wanted to thank the random person on twitter for giving me the idea to kill the main character. you've given me and many other people a hard time with this book

anyways enjoy the story <3