all we have is now / feral boys fanfiction

~51~ the brother

~karl pov~

"Thank you," Nick tells the strangers who opened the door. They look confused but don't say anything.

All five of us rush out to the rooftop and run to side to look over the view.

It was worth the run.

We seem to be in the highest building for miles. The lights line the black canvas of sky so perfectly. They swirl in multitudes of colors as they combine and light up the entire city. It's absolutely fascinating.

"She would've loved this," Clay whispers down the line. We all nod in agreement.

I hear a sniff and turn to see Nick crying. I don't say a word but put an arm around him.

Taegan would stay up here all night to watch the skyline. She would've memorized the dips from the buildings and the shifts in colors. She would be thriving with a view like this.

Nobody else is on the rooftop except for our little group. We sit on these plastic chairs a couple feet back. It's still enough to be able to look at all the lights.

"I miss Taegan," Alex blurts out as we look across the horizon. "And in all honesty, I think of her all the time. I almost bought this little toy car for her because it looked like Lydia. I was even going to break off the mirror and ducktape it back on. Ever since then I've been dying to talk to her."

We all let out a collective laugh, thinking back to that old car. It was way too dangerous to drive, but there was no stopping Taegan.

"I would call her and talk to her voicemail every night for the first two months." I say it out loud. That's the only time I've ever said it out loud, but it felt good to get it off my chest. It felt good to let them know I was not okay at all after her death. "The only reason I stopped was because her voicemail was full."

"I talked to her door a lot," Clay says, "A part of me kinda thought she would open it one day to tell me to shut up, but she never did. " He lets out a heavy sigh. "Man, what I would give for her to flip me off one more time."

"I had a dream where we were dancing in a field." George chuckles to himself as he thinks of it. "It reminded me of when we danced on the counters."

"I'm saving this one sweatshirt because it smells like her," Nick admits, "I won't wear it because I'm scared it'll stop smelling like her."

"I'm scared I'll slowly start forgetting what she looked and sounded like," I take a deep breath. "I'm worried I won't remember what to tell people when they ask about her."

"Please, who could forget her?" Clay laughs a little.

I smile. He has a point. She was quite the personality.

"I think we should have talks like these more often," Alex admits, "To keep her spirit alive. Just have some time to reminisce."

George nods. "There's a lot of times that I'll get upset because I see something that reminds me of her, and I felt like I couldn't say anything. Everyone just seemed like they were getting better, and I didn't want to mess with that."

Nick scoffs. "I was in no way getting better."

"I think I was spiraling out of control sometimes." Alex buries his head in his hands. "I totally went crazy on the rock today because everything was too much."

I nod, remembering the pebbles on the gravestone. "I think we all are spiraling out of control, but we have to be honest about how we're feeling. We're all going through the same loss, so we should be there for one another always."

"I honestly was crying over her death a couple hours ago."

"I honestly miss her every single day."

"I honestly went to Vegas to escape from my sadness."

"We honestly all followed you."

We laugh a little at the last one. I can tell we feel better about it all. That we're slowly growing to accept it and heal from it, but it starts with being there for each other always.

~author's note~

i told you guys it was going to be okay in the end.. they're all healing slowly

let's take a collective breath for the next chapter.. it's the last one

<3