pov- imagines

GOODBYE- B. BARNES

pairings: past lover!enemy!bucky barnes x reader, mentions of steve rogers
warnings: lovers to enemies to lovers, a lot of angst, mentions of blood, hydra, mentions of death and 40s bucky
about: t "enemies to lovers with bucky" that got wayy out of hand because i apparently don't know how to write something that doesn't
a/n: okayy so i have never written enemies to lovers before, so i hope i did this right, and i did change it a little to past lovers to enemies to lovers, i hope you don't mind!! i'm not too sure how i feel about this, mainly because it's so long for me that i'll only be able to read and edit it like twice and i'll start hating it by the first time. this is about 4k words, aka one of my longest fics ever
edit: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO EDIT THIS WOW

bucky realizes exactly how bad his relationship with you has gotten when he overhears your argument with steve over the mission pairing next week. he doesn't mean to; he knows how pissed at him you would get if you were to find out he was listening in to a conversation that didn't include him— although, really, the last time he was included was decades ago, when you would smile at him with warm apple cheeks and let him tuck away stray strands of your hair.

your frustrated words sneak out through the cracks of the door, letting him know exactly how upset you are that you were paired with him for the mission.

"we've barely even talked—" bucky nearly scoffs at this, knowing well that it was your fault. although he can't let you take full blame. "you know we won't work well together. partners need to have each others' back—" steve cuts you off at that, and it makes bucky glad because that had stung more than he thought it would. some part of him, even while you pointedly avoided his existence, thought that you still cared, even if it was monumentally less than the care you'd had for him before. he never wanted to confront the possibility that you didn't care at all, that you would come running to steve in distaste at seeing your name and his next to each other.

"it's done, y/n. deal with it. it's only one mission," steve tells you sternly, exasperated. bucky can see the tick of your jaw even through the door, the way you huff out of your nose and accept defeat. some things never changed, even after a near-century. there's a silence bucky thinks indicates an end to the conversation, and he's about to take his leave before he's caught, but steve's soft sigh stops him. "i thought this duel between you two would end by now," he says, followed by a gentle scoff from you. steve ignores it, "you two were... so much bigger than this. are so much bigger than this."

"he left me, steve," you snap, words edged and sharp and pained, "he made me feel like another notch on his bedpost." bucky nearly barges in right then and there, refusing to let you think like that. he knows he screwed up, but he never thought you'd think that. you were too good for him to think you meant so little to him; he had tried his best to make sure you didn't think that way, he wasn't sure when it went wrong. "he left me. didn't even know he was gone 'til i went over to his for the date he promised me and his ma told me he was gone." bucky's eyes close, forehead knocking soundlessly against the door frame. "at least you got a goodbye, stevie. all i got was assurance that i was never really anything to him," your voice turns angrier, and bucky doesn't think he can listen to you talk about this anymore. he turns towards the elevator after steve stays silent, probably knowing better than to argue with you.

"'can't do anything about this now, y/n. it's only one mission," is the last thing he hears steve say before bucky walks away, your words rattling around in his broken mind.

-

the jet is dead silent when he climbs inside, ten minutes early as usual, but you're there already, wordlessly walking past him to replace one of the weapons you keep in your holster. bucky wants to tell you hello, even though he knows you will only respond with a dry stare his way before you give him a view of your turned shoulder as you do anything but acknowledge his presence. your overheard conversation with steve is still heavy on his brain, having scrutinized each letter of the words you'd said to try and make sense of them. even through the shattered, blurry mess of memories he had, the ones with you were bright and clear, as if taken on the best camera in the twenty-first century. he can remember the feel of your lips on his when you both got the guts to admit your feelings for each other, the way your lips had smiled through the kiss, your giddiness clear in the curve of your mouth, and the tender pull his jaw by your careful fingers. the sound of your flustered laugh still rings clear in his ears, the warmth of your forehead as you leant it against his own, shining eyes caught on his.