pov- imagines

THE MATTER OF SAVING- B. BARNES

pairings: bucky barnes x reader
warnings: a lot of angst, sad, main character death
about: (DA8) "you can't save everyone." + (DA9) "you can't save me."
a/n: anon... i am so very sad now. it took me a couple days to write it because i got sad and wrote fluff instead lmao
anyways i'm sorry :( i have a collection of fluff in my masterlist so fluffy you will forget this fic if you need it

bucky's jaw has been clenched for hours, sitting still on the bed since he got back from the mission, stare unmoving from its point on the floor. he hasn't reacted to the gentle touch of your hand on his arm, but you suppose that's better to the alternative that is certainly possible— an uncomfortable tensing underneath your fingers, or even harsher, flinching away from your touch with a dirty look. you're sure he's giving you the best possible option because it's you, so you silently appreciate him and squeeze his arm.

"bucky..."

"please don't try to make me feel better," he cuts you off, voice quiet and strained, i don't deserve it embedded in his tone.

"if i told you that, would you listen to me?" you ask softly, watching his eyes finally meet yours in a quiet form of defeat. "i'm not either," you inform, running your hand down his arm to reach his own warm fingers. you tangle your fingers with them, squeezing. "it's not your fault," you murmur, leaning your head against his shoulder.

"how?" he asks harshly, voice breaking, "how can you say it isn't when they asked me for help— when they—" his words die on his tongue, eye clenching shut as tears run down his cheeks, leaving his face wet with guilt. "they were staring right at me when they died. i wasn't fast enough, y/n. how is that not my fault?"

you sigh softly, pulling his chin to get him to look at you. teary eyes meet yours, and you wipe away some tears with your thumbs "i know you wish you could, but you can't save everyone."

he breaks, tears overflowing like water from a cracked open dam. you cradle his face in the crook of your neck, eyes closed as you feel his tears soaking the fabric of your shirt. some of your own streak down your cheeks at the sound of his sobs and the feeling of his body convulsing against your chest, landing in the soft tufts of his hair.

"i know," you whisper, hugging him as close as you can, "i know, sweetheart."

you mumble apologies into his hair, his arms wound tight around you until his sobs tire him out enough to force him to fall asleep in your arms with tear-streaked cheeks.

-

"it'll be fine, bucky. it always is," you tell him, straightening the lapels of his suit as he eyes you worriedly.

"i jus' have a bad feeling about this one."

"it's aliens," you point out, "that tends to happen."

"y/n."

"it'll be fine," you repeat, pressing a kiss to his nose. "it's all of us against some stupid aliens. we've handled this before, and we'll handle it again."

steve calls both of your names through the comms, letting you know that taking your sweet time isn't an option this time. you exhale shakily, evidence that you're not as sure of your words as you may seem. "it'll be fine," you smile, more to yourself than anything else before you strap your gun into your thigh holster.

your words prove right out on the battlefield, the beings from some unknown place dropping faster than you expected. the fight seems so easy, but you can't help the eyes that drift over to bucky through the fighting, especially when suddenly, every place you turn to seems to have doubled in aliens.

the worry that envelops you is suffocative, fueled by the knowledge about this specific type of alien, whose tentacles are sharpened like knives, capable of killing a human within seconds of a single stabbing thanks to the combination of the poison embedded within its appendages and the deadly edge.