I'm a Villainess, But So What? Fuck Off.

Ax's Existential Crisis

It had been two months since my movie 'date' with Ciaran, and I HAVE seen him since. But he hasn't been approaching me, just looking at me from the top of buildings and hiding inside trees. It's like he thinks that I don't know he's watching me. I waited for him to approach me first, but I got sick of it and just let him watch.

As long as he just watches, I'm fine, but if he tries to do anything to my family or the servants, well, then... I'll have no choice but to kill him. He may be my bias, but he was only my bias because he was the LEAST stupid of all the male leads. He was still stupid. I won't have any qualms in killing him if he tries to harm anyone under my protection. I mused today as I walked around the garden.

All of a sudden, a maid walked up to me. Her name was Sierra, I believe. "Milady! Milady!" She called me so I stopped. I am very glad that all of the servants feel comfortable with me. I thought as I turned to face Sierra.

"Yes? Sierra, what can I do for you?" I replied politely. I'm also glad that I can be comfortable with the servants.

She walked closer to me, and whispered, "Someone carrying the name of 'Shurian Hoven' is waiting at the front gates. I know you said to let anyone in with that name, but I can't help but worry... there is a chance he might be sent by one of your political opponents... should I eliminate the possible threat in your stead?" She told me cautiously. My eyes widened at her words. Yes, it is indeed true that my opponents have sent many servants before in an attempt to 'pacify' me, but... as far as I know, I've only told that name to one person, and I know that he is somewhat trustworthy...

"Sierra, it is fine. Tell the other servants to stand down as well, and act normally. Don't show any thick killing intent to him, as he is a very special guest, one invited by me personally." I told her, before whispering in her ear so Ciaran wouldn't hear, "And hide your knives well. Tell the others this too. I can't scare my guest off. He is a dear friend of mine."

I smiled with true happiness. My best friend is here! Then I looked sideways at the tree holding the stupid assassin inside, and narrowed my eyes.

"And, make sure that you keep intruders out of my sight. If they are near me, then I'll kill them. Sierra, you probably know this already, but I don't want to waste my killing intent on annoying bugs. Of course, if the bug bites, just kill them if you feel bothered."

Sierra bowed and scurried away. I giggled at her actions and speedily walked to the front gates of the mansion. I wonder if I should show Ax my true form...

I wanted to play around a little first. When I arrived at the front gates and saw Ax waiting impatiently, I smiled cunningly. "Young Lord, what business do you have in my mansion?" I put on a regal and imposing expression on my face and looked at him from afar.

"I wish to meet Nova. She said..." He looked at me and stopped talking and gulped. "She said the word 'Shurian Hoven' and I will be escorted in."

I narrowed my eyes and dropped my smile. I walked over to the front gate and told the guards, "He is a dear guest. This man has been personally invited by my mother, I will treat him with respect." Then I faced him. "I will personally escort you in. Please follow me this way." Pfft... hahahahaha! 'Personally invited by my mother', I said... Ahhh, I'm a genius.

"Nova... is a mother?" He looked at me, shocked, and I just turned around without a sound and led him in. The guards at the doors were looking at me with tired expressions, it was clear they knew that I was playing with my guest for amusement.

"Do not call Mother with such disrespect. You shall address her as madam. You might be invited by her, but you are still someone that we cannot trust, thus refrain from speaking in such a casual manner." I glared at him and increased my pace. Once I get to the parlor room, I'll put on a disguise and pretend that I'm my mother. Hahaha! Oh, god. I'm really so smart... how far can I go?

We entered a lavish tea room and I ushered him to take a seat. "I shall fetch Mother. If you so much as lay a hand on her, then I..." I stopped my speech and turned around with a hmph. After exiting the room and closing the door, I used light magic to change my appearance. I love messing with him... I mused as I entered the room again.

"Ax! How are you! So you made it, huh?" I ran up to him and gave him a hug, but he pushed me away.

"You... you... you... you..." It was like he was on repeat or something, because he just kept pointing at me and repeating the same word over and over again. "You... you're a m-m-mom? H-h-how... wh-wh-wh-wh-what?!"

I scratched my cheek sheepishly and smiled helplessly. "Oh... I see that you've met my daughter... hahaha... she's a piece of work, don't mind her..." I looked at him apologetically before adding, "did she tell you that I'm the Archmage of Vistas yet...? Ahhh, that's going to be a problem." Sorry, Selen, I'm gonna use your name for my prank, 'kay? I'm sure you won't mind, right?

"A-Archmage?"

I gasped dramatically. "Shit... you didn't know..."

"W-wait, hold on a second. You're an archmage, a mother, and a hunter? And, who was your daughter? She looked like she was the famous heir of the dukedom?"

"Hahaha... the truth was, I wanted to try being a hunter because it sounded fun... and yes, my daughter is Alice Novea... she, um, is that prodigy..." I giggled and turned away. Hahahahahahahaha! Oh, I'm gonna fucking kill myself here! Bwahahahahaha! Oh, I'm a mother, god, I'm a mother my ass! Damn, I... seriously... I was in a fit of laughter in my mind, rolling about and crying from laughing.

"W-wait... you're a mother, but also the archmage? I thought the archmage was a man..." Ax looked dizzy and disoriented now, like he was experiencing a premature mid-life crisis.

"Ummm... actually, I am the archmage, but I was crossdressing. You see, I actually fell in love with a woman, so I used magic to turn me into a man so I could make her give birth... it worked, but that woman was the wife of a duke... so Alice was actually born out of wedlock... and the duke still doesn't know about this... so, please keep it a secret. For the safely of my poor daughter, Alice..." I started rambling on about random and crazy things that popped into my head.

"Wh-wh-wh-what...?" He stuttered. His eyes were swirling, like he was hypnotized, and I think he finally had enough, because when I looked back at him, he just fainted. Just. Fainted. After finally figuring out what had happened to my dear friend, I started cackling and rolling around the carpet with fits of laughter.

"AHHHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHHHHHHH, I JUST MADE AX FAINT!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I'M A MOTHER, MY ASS! DUDE! HE ACTUALLY BELIEVED THAT! AX FAINTED! AHHHH, HE JUST FAINTED! LIKE, HE MADE A STRANGE SOUND AND JUST WENT 'BLEHHHH... I DEAD'. HAHAHAHA, HAHAHAHAHAHA! HO, I NEED TO CATCH MY BREATH!"

----

After thirty minutes of intense laughter, I finally stopped, still letting out a few giggles now and then. "Ohhh, I'm truly so amazing. I should really do that kind of stuff more often..." I finally snapped out of it and crawled towards Ax's shocked state. His eyes were rolled up, and his limbs were strewn about.

"Pfft... bwahahaha... try... got... to... no, don't laugh..." I desperately held in my laughter and calmed myself (barely) before enacting magic. [SALVATION TO THOSE WHO HAVE, pfft, SINNED, THOSE WHO HAVE... pfft... kekekekeke... HURT. FIND THOSE WHO...hahahahahahaha... SUFFER, AND OFFER THEM A GIFT. RUN TO THOSE WHO HAVE COWERED AND THOSE WHO ENDURE PAIN, AND END THEIR ANGUISH.] After barely saying an enchantment, Ax woke up dazedly.

He recalled the prior events and started shaking, muttering things like, "Who am I... what am I... what is life...?"

After seeing his trance like state, I could help but collapse back onto the floor with tears of laughter once again. "Oh, hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ax... pfft... hahahahahahahahaha! Oh, I'm gonna fuckin' die, dudes! God, I'm gonna fuckin' die!"