Complicated Desire

Chapter Twenty-Six

Everything felt fresh when Bianca stepped into their new home. Fresh paint, fresh flooring, fresh beginnings. Everything from the light fixtures to the appliances were brand new. Most of the items from their past were left there, given away or sold, keeping only what was sentimental. There were still so many boxes to unpack, most just ordered from online and delivered straight to the house. It made the movers' job easy, and they were there and gone in the brief visit to her father's house.

"In here!" Kade shouted.

Bianca followed the sound of his voice, weaving through all the empty boxes he'd stacked high and created a maze out of. He was in the kitchen, unpacking every box and stacking everything up accordingly. New dishes, silverware, pots and pans, new spices. Kade had looked like a giddy child on Christmas morning. As they'd sat in bed ordering new things for his kitchen. Kade told her when he purchased everything for his house before, he hadn't yet found his passion for cooking. He ordered the best of everything, and Bianca had just laid next to him in awe as she watched the price skyrocket in the cart. Now here he was, unpacking every treasure.

"Give me a task," Bianca demanded, dropping her coat and purse on their new dining set since their coat closet had boxes blocking it.

"Knife's on the counter behind me. You can start breaking down boxes before they swallow us whole. And while you do that, you can tell me how today went."

"It went fine," Bianca reassured, as she walked over to grab the knife. "It was weird, but fine. I never thought my childhood home could feel like a stranger, but it did." She sliced through the tape at bottom of the box to flatten it. "As far as my dad goes... he invited us both to dinner next weekend, so he is trying, but I'm still not sure trying and apologies will be enough. He disowned me, Kade. Everyone was talking about the regret on his face as soon as I walked out the door, but he had the choice to run after me and take it back, and he didn't. He didn't run after me, because his pride was more important than I was."

"That would make it very hard to forgive him," Kade agreed, "But forgiveness isn't just for the other person, it's for yourself."

Bianca squashed the box with her foot, then moved on to the next. "That's the thing, though. I forgave him a long time ago. I mean, I forgave him for what he said. But he allowed four months to pass before calling me, because my mom told him it was part of our family's therapy. I want to forgive him, because I know he loves me, but it's like he only took this step because mom forced him to. He admitted he thought about it so many times.

"That's the part that's hurt the most about this whole mess. It isn't what he said, but that he turned those words into actions, because keeping me out of his life was easier than facing me and admitting he was wrong."

She felt those enormous arms wrap around her, and he squeezed her tight against his chest. "If you feel your life is better now without him in it, then we'll go on just as we have been. Your mother has never stopped supporting you. Your brother and I actually seem closer now than we were before all this went down, and you have Kara's full acceptance.

"I have everything I need, mi cielo. If you feel the same, then you've done your part. You agreed to meet with him for the sake of your mom, nothing more. If you don't feel the same, if you are a woman who needs her father in her life, then we can take baby steps to make that happen. We cannot change the past. All we can control is this moment, and what we choose to do with our future."

When Bianca envisioned the future, she saw her father there, walking her down the aisle. She could see it in her father's eyes earlier that day that he didn't want to miss out on that part of her life. But not wanting to miss it, and actually being happy for her, were two different things. Him not causing a scene, and him fully supporting the marriage, were two different things.

Bianca no longer wanted him to be just okay with her relationship with Kade. She wanted his full support and understanding. She wanted him to embrace it, as her mother had been trying to do. There was little point in repairing this relationship to the status of 'fine' or 'good enough'. If only there wasn't the rest of her family to think of. 

"I told him I'd talk to you about dinner," Bianca finally said, after being trapped in her own head for far too long. "He'd like the chance to apologize to you in person."

Kade's grasp on her grew firmer, and his lips brushed softly against her temple. "It's entirely up to you, mi cielo. I'm willing to sit through a hundred awkward family dinners if it helps build a bridge between all of you. I just want your heart to mend."

"You've mended my heart," Bianca argued lightly.

"I've done all I can with it, but the parts of your heart that are still broken are places out of my reach," he told her. "As far as dinner goes, I think it's a good idea. It's time to give your father a real chance."

Bianca rolled her eyes. "I just got back from doing that."

"But I haven't had the chance," Kade pointed out, Causing Bianca to turn and look at him. "I think you sometimes forget that I knew Michael well before this all happened. We were friends, and occasionally we were confidants.

"While Matt and Kara were planning the wedding, you were going through something terrible. Michael avoided the topic with Jackie, because she was having a hard enough time worrying about you while helping plan a wedding. I was the one he spoke to, Bianca. Every piece of your life your father knew about, I knew about.

"His heart broke for you after you lost that second child, and sometimes that heartbreak spilled over, and I did my best to be there for him. Michael felt like all he could do was watch in the background as your life fell apart around you. He couldn't get through to Jackson, who he noticed was already emotionally distancing himself from everything. You are his only daughter, and he couldn't protect you.

"We spoke so many times about you that I felt I'd already come to know you in some small way. What I'm trying to explain here is that I know your father. I've seen the emotion he feels for you, and I was there at a time where he felt useless as a father, unable to take your pain away, or save you from heartbreak.

"What happened at that dinner... your father got a second chance to protect you from pain. He went about it the wrong way and ended up being the one to cause it. But sweetheart, he did that because he couldn't stand aside and do nothing again. He thought we were a terrible mistake that could only end badly. I need him to see this. I need Michael to see how in love with you I am, and that we aren't a mistake he'll have to watch you survive through."

Bianca could see it in Kade's eyes. He'd lost a friend, and wanted to make it right, or at least allow the friendship to end on a better note.

"Dinner next weekend," Bianca agreed.