mixed feelings // dreamnotfound

Part 5: Relapse

Saturday, December 11th

A week passes, days of doing random shit with Sapnap. 

Going to bars, bowling, movie nights, even going to a casino.

 I can't lie, it was fun, but I haven't been able to get my mind off of George since we met. 

The way his smile can light up an entire room, how he covers his face with his hands every time he feels even slight embarrassment. 

His pretty voice, how he seems confident but shy at the same time. 

I can't stop thinking about how we danced together, how he made me forget even just for a few seconds. 

How easily he clicked with Sapnap, both of them acting after an hour as if they'd been friends for years already. 

He seemed hesitant to part, and I only took that as a good sign. 

And finally, after a long week of waiting, he was finally going to visit our house. 

We'd been messaging each other all throughout the days and nights, talking about anything on our minds for hours. 

The thoughts about him continue to invade my mind as Sapnap and I walk to the subway again, knowing this time that he'll be waiting there. 

There's just something about him, something that makes me feel what I've never really felt before.

And honestly, I'm comfortable in whatever feeling I have for him,

but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm confident in what that is.  

We continue walking, Sapnap suddenly breaking the silence. 

"You excited?" 

I stare at the floor, dry from days without rain. 

I try to keep my voice monotone, not wanting to spark any ideas he already has about me and George. "Yeah, you?"

He eyes me suspiciously. "You don't sound very excited."

"No, I am, trust me. I've been texting him every day." I immediately shut my mouth.

Nice job trying not to give him any more ideas.

He chuckles lightly and grins. "oooh, every day, huh?"

I scoff, trying to play it off. "Okay, not every day, but sometimes."

His grin doesn't disappear. "Yeah, okay, sure."

"No, I'm being serious." 

"Dream, you can tell me if you like him, you know. I won't judge you, really." He lifts his hands up as to surrender. 

I roll my eyes. "Well, I don't. Sorry to disappoint you."

He only chuckles.

I start to see the subway entrance, and stop in front of him. He looks at me in confusion. 

"Listen to me," I say, "I've never liked anyone like that and I don't think I ever will. That type of shit isn't wired in my brain, okay? Don't make this awkward for us."

He rolls his eyes and smiles. "Yeah, okay, whatever."

I turn back around, and we walk in silence to the stairs.

I feel myself rushing slightly. 

I make my way down, and look to the left and right immediately when I reach the bottom.

He's not here?

I feel my heart drop instantly. 

I continue to look around more, no one in sight. "George?"