mixed feelings // dreamnotfound

Part 12: Safe

Tuesday, December 14th

I continue driving, as fast as the signs let me go, and I can't seem to lift my foot off the pedal. 

I feel tears start to cloud my vision, and fight them back as I continue.

My neck feels numb, my arms and hands burn from the glass that originally punctured them. I ignore the pain.

I knew I shouldn't have gone.

I continue driving for what feels like hours, having no idea where I even am. 

I eventually find myself pulling into a random parking space, seeing no one around me. 

I turn off the ignition and throw my head forward. I cover my head with my arms, and already feel my tears start to come down. 

I purse my lips, trying to forget everything that had just happened. 

I begin to recall all the places he had touched me, he had hit me. My hands start to shake. 

The tears continue pouring down, and I start to sob. I don't even try to stop myself. 

I pull my legs up onto my seat and wrap my arms around them, burying my head in my legs. 

My thoughts start to invade my mind. 

What did I ever do to him?

How often does he do that shit to mom?

Was he drunk?

Maybe he didn't mean to, maybe he wasn't aware.

A thought suddenly makes me freeze.

How often does George have to deal with this shit?

I continue letting my thoughts take over as I let them out in sobs. 

I slowly lift up my head and take off my jacket, part of my arms burning as I do so. 

When I get them out, I put them out in front of me and analyse them. 

Dark red marks cover my forearms and hands. I still see bits of glass in some parts, but decide not to take them out in fear of bleeding even more. 

I stay there for seconds, minutes, an hour maybe, even. Staring at the marks. 

I take my phone off the seat and click on the front camera, trying to analyse my neck. 

To my surprise, it's almost back to normal. A slight red tint covers my skin, but is almost unnoticeable in the lighting. 

It's almost completely dark outside, the winter taking the sun away fast. 

The car feels slightly cold, and I shiver at the reminder. 

I don't want to move,

what if he's waiting for me somewhere?

A sudden buzzing from my phone interrupts my thoughts, and I shudder slightly at the sound. 

It buzzes again.

And again.

I pick it up carefully, and look at the Caller ID.

George

I consider declining it, with the current state I'm in.

I need to talk to him.

I take a deep breath as I press the bright green button.

The call is silent for a few seconds, neither of us say anything.