mixed feelings // dreamnotfound

Part 11: Flashback

Tuesday, December 14th

After 20 minutes of frantically driving to my dad's apartment, I pull up in the parking lot in front of it.

I turn off the ignition and check my phone. 

1:38 P.M.

My heart starts beating faster when I see the unread messages from my mom, but I decide to ignore them. 

I throw open the door and close it behind me, quickly checking to make sure that my phone and keys are in my pockets. 

I feel myself start to shake as I make my way to the entrance. 

I'm fucked. 

I force myself to ring his apartment, and he lets me in immediately. 

I open the door slowly and walk inside the building, clicking on the button in front of the elevator. 

After waiting a few moments, the elevator dings and opens. No one's inside. 

I walk in, and click the '2' button on the side. 

The doors close again, and I take a deep breath. 

I slide my right hand to my left wrist and dig my nails into my skin, trying to distract myself. 

My jaw tightens as the elevator comes to a stop and dings again. The doors open to reveal a long hallway with more doors on the sides.

I step out into the hallway and look at the door in front of me. 206.

I continue walking, looking at all the numbers. 

208, 210, 212, 214-

My eyes suddenly lock on a door. 216. 

My heart starts to race immediately and I feel my hands start to shake again. 

I dig my nails into my palm and slowly lift my right fist up. 

I can't, I can't, I can't.

I pull my hand back down and close my eyes. 

He's waiting for you, just do it.

I think of George, how he offered to come with me. How he asked to call me when I told him to stay with Sapnap. 

I wish he was here with me, right now.

I take a deep breath and lift my fist back up. 

I'm not weak. 

I open my eyes and knock on the door. 

It takes a few seconds, and I hear some shuffling coming from the other side before the door finally opens. 

I look up to find a strongly built man wearing jeans and a shirt. 

His hair is messy, and it looks like he hasn't shaved in days. 

"Are you gonna come in or just stand there?" He asks rudely. I don't say anything.

I start to walk inside, before he puts his arm behind my back and shoves me in. 

He throws the door closed behind us. 

"So, how've ya been? Have a seat, Clay." 

I lower myself onto a seat in the living room. "Fine, you?" I say dryly. I purse my lips. 

He sits in front of me and rolls his eyes. "Don't give me that. Also, take off your coat."

I take off my coat slowly and put it next to me on the couch. "Give you what?"