mixed feelings // dreamnotfound

Part 22: Gone

Saturday, December 18th - Monday, December 27th

Author's note: this is Dream's POV again !! 

A few days pass, feeling repetitive as they come and go.

I've been stuck in my room most of the time, trying to sleep the days away. 

Sapnap took away all my shit, and I feel empty. 

I haven't felt this sort of pain in years, and it hurts. 

It really does. 

I used to rely on other things to take my pain away, but I can't. 

I don't have anything. 

Sapnap hasn't been talking to me as often, rightfully if I say so. 

I wouldn't want to be around me right now either. 

The most I've gotten up in the past few days is to write in my journal. 

Sapnap let me keep that. 

I sit down at my desk, and open my computer. 

I sigh as I open Spotify and start scrolling through my playlist. 

A song suddenly catches my eye. 

Apocalypse - Cigarettes After Sex

I start to recall the phone call George and I had a few days ago.

When he told me he was listening to this song. 

I slowly plug in my headphones and put them on. I take out my notebook as well.

I click on the song, and the soft notes start to play. 

I open my notebook and flip through the pages, before my eyes stop on one that I had written on just a week prior. 

i don't need someone to be happy, the bright blue ink stares at me. 

My leg starts shaking as I continue reading down the crumpled page. 

i don't deserve someone like that, anyway

it's not like i want to be intimate with someone, or do any of that type shit

i never thought i'd want to, at least

but then, what is it about you?

I feel my heart sink as my eyes move down the page. 

i never knew kissing you could make me forget the world so easily

and honestly, the way you make me feel makes me not care what anyone says or thinks about me anymore

i'm trying so bad to move on, i just can't

i can't, i can't, i can't

just your presence makes me forget about everything else so fast, george

it's funny, part of me knew after the beach that you'd be the one to bring me peace of mind

I feel a tear roll down my cheek, and don't bother to wipe it off. 

Slowly, I turn to the next clean page, and take out a pen. 

but i didn't know you could leave that easily

The ink stares back at me, and I close the notebook slowly as a tear falls onto the corner of the page. 

I pull my headphones off and stand up to open my door.