mixed feelings // dreamnotfound

Part 20: Deceive

Friday, December 17th

When George is finally out of my sight, I immediately start running back to the station.

It's about 10 minutes away, but I don't care at this point.

My tears start to blur my vision as I run.

The wind rips through my hair, slightly drying the stains on my shirt from tears mixed with the pouring rain.

Please tell me George'll be there.

I continue running.

Please tell me he was lying.

I reach the subway station, slowly making my way home.

Gratefully, not that many people are on the subway, making it easier for me to suppress my emotions.

---

After running for what felt like hours all the way back to my house, I get to the front door.

I look around to find George nowhere in sight, and my heart drops immediately.

The key in my pocket is lifted to the lock instantly and I turn it to open the door.

I find Sapnap watching a movie on the couch, and instantly get angry at the sight of him.

He notices my expression as I slam the front door shut behind me and start running upstairs.

"Dream?" I hear his voice coming from downstairs.

"Fuck off, Sapnap." I yell, and immediately run into my room.

He doesn't say a word back, and I find myself hoping he won't follow me.

As I close the door behind me, I immediately get into my bed.

Tears start pouring down in an instant.

My nails dig into my palms, and I immediately feel everything I've been suppressing for hours.

What the fuck have I done?

I start trying to breathe through my tears, but keep getting stuck in my throat.

God, I'm sorry, George.

Please come back.

Please.

Please.

I can't control my breathing anymore, wracking sobs ripping through my throat.

It's my fault.

Everything is my fault.

I hit him. 

I turn around and swallow weakly. 

I treated him the same way my dad treats me. 

What the fuck is wrong with me?

The sobs continue through the entire room,  before a realisation suddenly comes across me.

I can't breathe.

I start to feel faint after a few moments,

but the only thing going through my mind again is his hand on my cheek on the beach, his lips pressing softly onto mine.

The texts, calls, dancing together at the market, laying in the rain with him, watching the stars.

The safe feeling that would come from just being together, his mindful words, his patience.