|Infatuation| *Loki BWWM*

{16}

[Mentioning of suicidal thoughts, self harm, and abuse] ⚠️

~Alaia~

I stared at Loki as the party went on inside. We were out on the balcony- and he was on his knees.

He had just finished begging for my forgiveness.

Full on begging. On his knees, holding my legs, staring into my eyes, and pleading with me.

It was around 11:50, 10 minutes before we entered a New Year and a couple hours before I was to return home.

Loki knew that, which is probably why he decided to cry and plead at my feet.

"Loki... you had days to come up with a way to earn my forgiveness...and you choose begging?"

"It comes from the heart" He says, "I've never done this before"

"I feel so special" I said sarcastically. I set my hands on my hips and waited for him to give some type of a speech.

Half of me expected excuses and meaningless sorries while the other wanted to believe he would be genuine.

He must really like me. I mean, he's on his knees begging.

I'm certainly that bitch.

"First, I know this is probably the opposite of the apology you wanted. It's minuscule. But, this is what I felt was the right thing to do"

"To pull me out a party and-"

"Alaia, hush" He demanded with a soft tone. I rolled my eyes but did as told

"We've only known each other for a short while... but our journey together has already had so many ups and downs. And I hate it"

I scrunched my eyebrows but continued to listen

"I hate how I feel about you. It isn't right. How can I care so much about a person I just met? How can I be daydreaming about our lives together already-and I just met you? How could I fall in...."

He quickly shut himself up and gave a sigh. He was holding back, I could tell.

My chest had tightened as those words fell out his mouth. He's picturing a life...with me?

Again, I'm definitely that bitch.

"I don't want to be too forward, but I do have strong feelings for you Alaia. But understand that you don't have to say the same. All I want is for us to work together to build a relationship. I want us to make this work- because I can't see myself without you. And I admit, that scares me"

I wanted to speak but I was at a loss for words.

I felt the same way- and it scared me too.

I thought I was crazy as hell for liking this man...this God. The most we've done is kiss, and he's already got me feeling butterflies whenever his eyes meet mine.

I know Love has no set time. Everyone goes at their own pace- but it hasn't been long.

What if we're wrong? What if all of this is just temporary feelings?

That makes me not want to peruse anything...

But then again, what if this is right? What if he's the one...and what if these feelings last forever?

That makes me wanna take a leap of faith.

"My parents..." I started, "Hated me."

I shivered a little before Loki magically made a jacket appear on me. I thanked him with a smile and continued

"They tore me down, Loki. They made me feel like I was lower than dirt. And because of that, I ended up with a man who treated me just as bad as they did."

I lifted my dress a little to show the long scar marks on my inner thighs.

"I cut my inner thighs because I figured no one would see the scars. But Ross Elven.."

I cringed at his name, but took a deep breath and continued, "That son-of-a-bitch saw them one day and beat my ass for it. Not because he was mad I was cutting, but because he wouldn't wanna have sex with me knowing those scars were there. Then...he asked how he never noticed them before. I said he never really payed that much attention in the first place...he beat me again"

Loki was standing now. His hands rested on my shoulders, awaiting for me to finish the story so he could engulf me in a hug.

"I wanted to die Loki. I thought about it everyday. And I came close to doing it several times. I felt so useless. So unloved. And so stupid for allowing him to do that to me for so long."

A single tear escaped my eye but I quickly wiped it away, "But then, I decided I wanted to live. So I left. Then I got successful, but I was still craving some sort of love from someone... Then I met you- and the avengers. You guys made me feel like I was apart of a family. I was instantly comfortable. I felt like I belonged here ...and that's scary"

Loki nodded and squeezed my shoulders

"We all care for you Alaia"

"Y'all don't know me" I said quickly

"Let us get to know you! Let us learn everything there is about you. Hell, we've already established that you're gonna be apart of this family. Stop fighting it"

"I don't wanna be disappointed again. I got a small taste of a family and I don't want that feeling to leave me again"

"I swear it won't"

I checked my watch and seen 11:58 turn into 11:59

"It's almost midnight" I whispered

"Let us be your family! Let me love you"

"Loki I can't go through another shitty relationship" I practically yelled

"I would never put you through anything that man has put you through! Let us in, Alaia. Let me in"

I looked away from him, but he grabbed my chin and made me look at him.

"Let's take the time to work on our relationship. Take the time to really establish friendships and such with them...take as much time as you need. But in the short time that you've been in all of our lives, you've made an impact"

We heard the people from inside begin to count backwards from ten

"I'm not saying it's gonna be easy Alaia. You have trauma, but we'll help you get through it. I know I will"

Counting backwards from five....

Four

Three

Two

One

I grabbed Loki's face and kissed him. He was stunned but started to kiss back.

We could hear the cheers and screams as we embraced one another.

Once we stopped, I gave him a solid "yes"

Good, stable relationships with people is something I never had and wanted more than anything. I had that opportunity now, and I refused to let it slip away.

________________
Sorry for mistakes 💚