He closed his eyes and leaned in. You watched him and went rigid. You squeezed your eyes shut, waiting for the kiss. But it didn't happen. When you opened your eyes J-Hope's nose was almost touching yours. "Now we're even!" He said teasingly to your...
Waking up before the sun itself, you rolled out of your hotel bed, groggy. You drug yourself into the bathroom to take a shower. You had to be at the filming location at 10 am and it was going to take you two hours to get there. You'd rather die than be late, so you got up super early to make sure you were prepared.
After coming out of the bathroom, putting your hair up in a towel, you checked your phone out of habit. You had two missed calls and five texts. You panicked, wondering what was going on. You read the texts first. There were all from Hobi.
"Sweetheart, we have a problem."
"Are you there?"
"HYBE found out about us and are pretty upset."
"Sweetheart!?"
"Please answer me."
You heart started pounding in your ears, you stared at his messages. You shook your head. You opened your voicemail and punched in your passcode. It was from a number you didn't recognize and a voice you didn't know.
"Hello, this is HYBE labels. I am sorry to say we are terminating your position for the BTS Permission to Dance music video. It's been brought to our attention that you have a relationship with one of our employees. An idol in fact. That is strictly against policy. We must terminate your contract immediately, we are truly sorry, but these are the rules. If you have any questions, please call us back."
You dropped your phone on the bed and stared at the wall, not blinking. Tears welled up in your eyes and spilled over, running down your cheeks. You still didn't blink, you didn't breathe, your thoughts were blank. The only thing you felt right now was the crushing of your beating heart. The intense pain of your heart breaking into pieces.
The ringtone of your phone rang but you still stood there, stunned, flabbergasted. Your phone, covered in its Mang case stopped ringing and you heard a ding go off. You inhaled finally, realizing your lungs were on fire from not taking in oxygen. There were two more dings on your phone.
Crashing to your knees, this was the first movement your body had done in several minutes. You let out a deep scream that turned into a sob. You couldn't breathe, everything was crumbling around you. You clenched your hand to your chest, trying desperately to stop the tremendous pain you felt inside your ribcage. You gasped for air, realizing that you were having a panic attack.
You tried to stand but your legs were locked. You moved your head to look around the room. Blue curtains. White bedspread. Brown carpet. Tan walls. Silver suitcase. Purple purse. Blue phone. You closed your eyes, inhaled deeply, and counted backwards. 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10. You inhaled sharply again. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. You opened your eyes and tried to stand. You shaked rigidly but stood up finally. You hadn't had to perform your anti-panic attack strategy for a while now.
You collapsed onto the bed and wept; your cries so deep that you almost couldn't bring air into your lungs before they were pushed out through desperate sobs. You buried your face into your pillow and screamed at the top of your lungs, until your throat burned. You felt light headed. The room was spinning.
Everything you prepared for, all the money it took to get here, all the practicing now meant nothing. Your thoughts turned dark, too dark. You wanted to die. You used hundreds of your mom's dollars, you took your exams early, you left Ashley alone in the apartment, you practiced until your body was exhausted, your hope and your happiness is being swallowed up.
You felt betrayed. This opportunity was going to change everything for you, you were going to make back so much money. You would be taking a step in the right direction for your career. But now, nothing. Just darkness, black thoughts.
Eventually you passed out, your body had met its exhaustion plateau. Your eyes burned from all the tears that stained them. Your throat on fire from screaming, your knuckles white from clenching your fists, your chest hurt from the anxiety attack and heart break. Your body finally put you to sleep so it could recover. You cried yourself to sleep.
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