Staying with Ryan and Sara was like stepping into another world. A world I have never truly experienced before. All of our lives have changed over the years and we were certainly no longer angsty, rebellious teenagers. We had grown up and while I was busy focusing on work, my complicated love life and Lola, Sara settled into becoming a happy housewife. She's like the best mom ever. This is nothing new to me, I've seen her parenting techniques with Hannah and Savannah many times before, but not while juggling housework and a new baby at the same time.
I'm quite amazed when I see the day-to-day functioning of a normal family. Is this the way family life should be? Parents and kids actually dine together and enjoy each other's company? Isn't it up to the parents to decide what's best for the kid and not an older sibling? God, my upbringing was so different than this and as much as I envied Sara, this front row seat to their daily life only affirmed just how little she and I have in common anymore. A bit ironic, given that I finally have Lola back in my life. I guess if Sara's girls were older, we might be able to relate to each other better. But witnessing all the bliss of family life has also shattered my dreams of ever having the same thing. With my twisted relationships I'll never have what Sara has. Not as long as I want two men.
The disconnect in our friendship makes me sad. I mean, I know without a doubt that she and I will be friends forever because friendships don't just die and fade away, but they do have to be nurtured and let's face it, I'm a busy bitch. I know the blame falls directly on my shoulders and I hate it.
"Ow!" I grabbed the back of my hair as Savannah yanked the hairbrush that was twisting into my long hair. Normally I'm not so tender headed, but lately everything feels off. As the weekend approaches, my anxiety seems to intensify.
"Sorry," she whispered, not wanting to alert Sara so she can intrude and demand that her clingy daughter leave and give me some privacy. I love this kid but the fact that she follows me all over the house and is always reminding me of how she wants to be like me is scary. Nobody should want to be like me. I'm just a fucked up person inside.
"It's ok, just be careful." As soon as I walked in the door from work today the girls begged to come in my room and play. They both managed to sneak in while Sara was busy. I know my bestie is going through a tough time with Chase. She had been up with him most of the night last night. I could hear him downstairs crying around two am.
I took the brush from Savannah's little hand and struggled to untangle it from my hair. As I rose to look into the mirror to see how the brush was wrapped around my hair, Hannah slipped her little feet into my heels. At the same time, Savannah started to unzip my makeup bag. I knew she was going right for the lipstick. "Careful with that sweetie." I was so busy watching Savannah that I missed Hannah falling right into the bed frame. Fuck! I turned so fast that the hair brush swung and hit me hard in the mouth.
There was no time to react because she started screaming immediately. Fear crept up my back and I rushed toward her. Sliding down onto my knees on the carpet, I reached for her, hugging her against my chest and rubbing her head. "Oh, my goodness! Are you alright?" She was wailing so loud and within seconds, Sara opened the door. The feeling of terror raced through me when Hannah pulled away and I saw blood on her forehead.
"What happened?" exclaimed Sara, holding Chase in her arm. Hannah cried as she stepped out of my shoes and darted directly to her mother. Sara placed her fingers under her baby girls chin and tilted her head back so she could get a better look at the injury.
"It's my fault. She put my heels on and I guess they got stuck in the carpet. I should have kept a closer eye on her. I'm sorry! Where is she bleeding from?" I was fully ready to pay for an emergency room visit if needed.
