I sat across from Carrie in the restaurant, watching as she slid her tongue across the tiny split in her bottom lip. She casually looked over the menu but it's obvious she's still upset with me. We've been here about a dozen times and she always orders the same thing, spicy mango sushi. I tossed my menu down on the table and leaned back in my seat, trying my hardest to give her the most intimidating glare I could muster. She only looked up once, but her eyes avoided mine completely. I hate the way she takes every little argument so fucking personal. People argue, they argue and then they get over it. That's life. Why does she insist on taking things so damn far? Maybe it's the makeup sex she wants? Who doesn't love angry, passionate sex? My lips curled at the possibilities.
When the waiter eventually came to the table, Carrie handed him the menu and ordered her usual. I rolled my eyes in annoyance but chose to try something new. When he left the table I leaned forward, "Is this how it's gonna be all night?"
She raised the glass of water to take a sip, flinching at the pain caused by the small injury to her bottom lip. She glared at me, "I don't know what you mean. You asked me to have dinner with you. Isn't that what we're doing?"
"I know you're still furious with me for what happened at my place the other night. I've already apologized for the way I handled the situation, so I don't understand why you still have an attitude with me."
"I really don't think this is the best place to discuss this." Carrie crossed her arms and pursed her lips. Even though she knows how I feel about private discussions in public, I couldn't seem to stop myself from trying to smooth things over.
"Are you really that mad? I only granted you permission to see him again. That's what you wanted, right?" I could feel my jaw tighten as I tried to steel myself from the jealousy that raced through my body. I hated the thought of anyone coming between Shannon and me, but Carrie's different. And even after he fucked her over, I had this silly notion that she and I could actually have a normal functioning, monogamous relationship. I guess I was being delusional. Deep down, she will always have feelings for Shannon, and besides, how would that work out?
She merely rolled her eyes, but the few seconds of silence were like a lifetime. "Again with the word permission. God! I'm trying really hard to be polite here, but Jared you're really starting to piss me off." I watched intently as she leaned in closer, narrowing those gorgeous green eyes in anger as she glared at me. "I'm not sure why you feel compelled to give me your permission. It's my fucking life and I'll do whatever I want." I don't know if I've ever seen her so upset. That wasn't the answer I was looking for. My shoulders slumped and I wondered if our relationship would even survive this fight. She held up her left hand. "Do you see a ring on this finger because I don't? And I am neither your child nor your staff. That means I don't require your permission for anything I do!"
She went from silent to angry within seconds and I sighed loudly. Perhaps she was right about not having this discussion here. The last thing we needed was a public argument. I immediately threw up my hands in defense to try to relieve the tension. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry."
She inhaled deeply and cleared her throat. "What's your point exactly?"
"In all seriousness, I didn't mean to come across as bossy. You know I didn't bring you here to fight you, Carrie."
"I don't know anything anymore." With that statement, the heat left her tone, I could see genuine pain in her eyes. Any remaining amusement on my part faded and it took all I had not to stand up, move to the other side of the table and just hold her. I didn't want to argue with her and I certainly didn't want things to change between us. The thought of losing her made my chest constrict and it suddenly became difficult to breathe.
"I really am sorry." My apology was cut short by the waiter returning with our food When we were alone again, I watched her push the plate away. "I never intended to insult you by telling you you have my permission to see Shannon again. The only point I'm trying to make is that I feel like we should go back to our original agreement. You obviously have these feelings for him, and I get it. I understand, and the last thing I want is for everyone to be miserable. I love you and I just want you to be happy."
"You say that you love me and I honestly believe that you do in your own way, but Jared, sometimes I don't feel like your girlfriend. Instead, I feel more like a possession that you like to show off from time to time." She rolled the stem of her glass between her perfectly manicured nails. Carrie was classy, she never wore bright, tacky nail polish. She generally opted for light or natural colors and they were always impeccable. "You say you want me to be happy, but I don't know. Jared, look I've enjoyed the time we've spent together-"
"Are you breaking it off with me?"
"What? No!" Her nose crinkled and she reached across the table to hold my hand. "I was just going to say that I appreciate the way you stood by me through everything that happened with Shannon and all the drama with Lola. Anyone else may have ditched my ass by now. I want you to know how much I appreciate that. It means a lot to me."
"I-" She immediately cut me off.
"That being said, there's something that sort of bothers me." She took a deep breath and let go of my hand. "That evening, in your house, you gave me a choice, Shannon, or a commitment on your part. And then today, without me ever giving you my decision, you inform me that you're relieved we will never have a 'traditional' relationship. I mean, how exactly do you think that makes me feel?"
I rubbed the back of my neck and told her matter of factly, "That kiss that almost happened between you and Shan at your apartment the other day tells me you've made your decision." Her expression completely changed and she clenched her jaw tightly. I knew she hated the fact that I already knew about it. "I told you, he and I don't keep secrets from each another." I stared down at my plate of food. "You should have some food. I brought you here with the intention of having an enjoyable evening, not to argue." She watched as I ate a piece of sushi. "It's good."
"Fine."
Following my lead, she finally took a bite of food. "And let me dispel your doubts on a different subject. Lola is amazing and I fully accept the fact that she will be in your life. I just want to make sure you understand that I won't get in the way of your relationship with her."
"Ok." She didn't say much after that and we eventually left the restaurant with to go boxes containing most of our meal. Not quite prepared to finish the night, I went in the opposite direction of Sara's house and Carrie never uttered a single word. We arrived at my house and I hopped out. I strolled around to open her door. She took my hand, slid out and followed me to the door, neither of us even bothering with the boxes of leftovers from dinner. Carrie was leaving for the weekend with Shannon and there was no way I was going to allow that without giving her a proper send off. It's been weeks since we last had sex and I knew how tense I was because of it. I also knew that just beneath the icy surface of all her anger, had to be some pent up sexual frustration.
We went straight to my bedroom and I dropped my phone on the nightstand. Without any words of protest Carrie stepped out of her heels and tossed her purse and keys on the chair in the corner of the room. Every visible sign of anger seemed to have disappeared and I was sure the rest of the night would be fantastic. She advanced and wrapped her arms around my waist, embracing me firmly. The fragrance of her perfume and the warmth of her body drove me insane. When we finally pulled apart, her fingers moved to the buttons on my shirt. I slid my arms out of my jacket and mentally battled the control freak inside of me to allow her to lead. Her hot lips slid down my chest, following the open fabric of my shirt. Damn, we had a lot of catching up to do.
