"You don't really mean that." Her words were cruel and aimed to inflict the maximum amount of pain. It worked, she hurt me. Of course, they didn't alter my feelings for her, I still loved her very much, but I had to remind myself that they were words of anger and she had just learned the truth about the sick, twisted game Shannon and I played on her. The last thing I wanted to do was lash out in retaliation and make a fucked up situation even worse. Instead, I took a step toward her, pulling her into my arms. "I know you're hurting Carrie, but you shouldn't say things you don't mean."
She was crying so hard that her legs gave out and we both slid down to the floor. I wanted to let her get it out of her system and after a long period of silence, she laid all the way down. Her head was resting on my leg and I reached down to push the hair out of her face. Sniffling, she looked up at me. "Jared... please just go. I think I need to be alone."
Sighing, I knew there was no way I could honor her request. "I'm sorry, but I can't leave you like this, not right now." I was concerned about her and knew that by telling her the truth, it could possibly make her hate me, but it needed to be done. "If anything happened to you, I'd never forgive myself."
She sat up and pulled away from me, like I'd said something to purposely offend her. "I'm fine! Quit treating me like a child." She stared down at the floor, not allowing any of her body to touch mine. Her mood shifted so fast it made my head spin.
I shrugged, "I'm treating you like someone who's had their heart broken. I'd feel a lot better about leaving you alone if you'd stop crying and maybe try to eat something."
She got to her knees and glared at me, her eyes full of anger. "I'd like to believe that you know this feeling, that you've been where I am before, but that would imply that you have a heart, and I don't believe either of you do. How dare you tell me that I should stop crying and try to eat. Fuck you." Her venomous words cut me like a knife and I just gazed at her, watching the tears begin to drip from her eyes. I could sense myself getting ready to explode from frustration and let out a deep breath, but before I could say anything, she moved closer. Clutching my shirt, she buried her face in my chest. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean that Jared."
I had been where she is right now. I have had my heart shattered by someone I loved and never imagined they could hurt me the way they did. It's an agonizing feeling and you struggle between wanting to end the excruciating pain by being with them, but you know that you cannot ever trust them again. "Then stop saying shit you don't mean. Talk to me Carrie. Don't shut me out."
Carrie shook her head and let out a sarcastic laugh. "Don't you understand, nothing was real." The tears were really falling now. Her hands shook as she sobbed heavily and then seemed to calm a bit, but going right back to that heartbreaking cry. "All of the I love you's were lies. How can you look at somebody and tell them you love them if it's not true? That's so cruel."
I wiped her tears with my thumbs while cradling her face. "It wasn't a lie. I do love you and I know Shannon does too, he just fucked up, that's all. I'm not trying to defend him, he can do that on his own, but I know for a fact that he genuinely cares about you."
She glared at me, cutting my words off and raising her voice louder than before. "No!! I saw how they were together and it had to have been going on a long time. She was like a puppy, following his commands and smiling in my face. There was nothing genuine about the way he used me! God, sometimes I'm so stupid. He actually tried to make me believe it was you that night, in the room with us! He blindfolded me." She started to get angry again, her hands balling into fists as she spoke. "I thought it was your lips moving over my body, but no, it was hers! I fucking hate him Jared!" Her knuckles were white from balling her fist too hard, and she gritted her teeth. "And that whore, kissing me and smirking at me, as if I'd ever allow her to touch me. They deserve each other." She got up and began pacing back and forth, barefoot. I stared at her cute little feet, the blue nail polish was just beginning to chip and peel.
