The bitter words I uttered had a coldness to them, a sort of finality as they sliced, rather than tumbled through the air. My passion for him hadn't died, it was still very much alive, only now it was distorted and twisted. Too much damage had been done to our relationship to ever begin repairing what was lost. It was over and we both recognized it. I scooted past him, opening the door and glaring in his direction. "So, that's it, you're done with me?" He asked in disbelief.
I leaned backward against the door and stared down at the floor to avoid any further eye contact with him, pretending to be unaffected by what was happening. My hands were shaking and I bit my tongue so hard that I could actually taste blood in the back of my throat. "That's it." I knew that if I continued to look him in the eye, I'd eventually break down and start crying again, but I refused to give him the satisfaction. The lump quickly began forming in my throat as he brushed past me on his way out the door.
I was relieved when he exited without another word and I slammed the door closed behind him, crushed that this was goodbye. Pressing my face to the door, I was unable to hold back the tears any longer. I couldn't begin to describe the bleak feeling that surrounded me. My heart felt like it had been shattered all over again.
All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and stay there, but my breathing had become so ragged from the onslaught of emotions, that I fell to my knees in the center of the room. How could he have done this to me? Why did he do this to me? I had so many questions that I knew would remain unanswered.
I have no idea how long I stayed exactly like that, lying on the floor, but I cried until there were no tears left. Eventually, I scanned the room, noting that the sun no longer cast any light through the window, making everything appear dim with the lower wattage bulb in the lamp next to my bed. I sat up, the throbbing in my head from all of my crying instantly made me cringe. It was a struggle to not reach for my phone and call Jared, even though I truly wanted to. His voice would have certainly soothed the ache in my chest, but I had to learn to deal with it on my own. I learned a valuable lesson here, the only person you can trust is yourself.
I stood up and the salad that should have long been digested, threatened to come up. I walked over to the window and shut the curtains. If I was lucky I could merely get into bed and sleep would claim me, at least then I could be numb for a little while.
I used the bathroom, not even bothering to brush my teeth and I crawled into bed, turning off the lamp. What did this mean for Jared and me? How can I still see him? Things would be extremely uncomfortable when I'd certainly run into Shannon again. I'm not sure my heart could take it. Why did seeing him again make me question my relationship with Jared?
At some stage in the night, after lying there wide awake thinking of all of the questions I'd never get to ask Shannon, I finally fell asleep.
I got up the following morning, taking my time to get ready, afraid that I'd run into him in the hallway. Knowing Shannon, he was staying at the same hotel and I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of it actually happening, but thankfully it didn't. I was able to finish my week without any more unwanted visitors.
Jared and I maintained contact, texting and face timing on my final night in Seattle. He knew Shannon was there, but didn't press me about it. I had mixed feelings about flying home. I wanted to be home, near Jared, but hated the fact that I still had feelings for Shannon.
I flew back to LA three days later, where I found Jared and Sara waiting at the airport for me. I wasn't expecting either of them and just seeing their smiling faces pushed everything away, for a brief moment. He was the first to hug me tightly, for once not caring who saw us and I felt my tense body relax into his chest. "I missed you," he whispered, giving me a firm squeeze.
"I missed you more." It wasn't a lie, I genuinely did. I was so down and depressed and felt so alone after Shannon just popped up out of the blue like that.
"You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that, even if it's not true." When he let go of me, I threw my arms around Sara. The fight we had was so stupid and the ironic part was that she was right all along.
I believed for a second that I was going to start crying, but I surprised myself by staying strong. "I'm so happy to see you." She was without the girls and her belly had really grown in the time we hadn't spoken. I couldn't stop smiling as I lay my hand on it, grinning like an idiot. "Wow!"
"We're taking you to lunch." She explained that she and Jared just made plans when they both showed up to pick me up. It was more than obvious she always got along with Jared and respected him. It was Shannon she couldn't stand after they got off on the wrong foot.
Sara drove to the restaurant and I sat in the back, holding Jared's hand. He had clearly picked out the restaurant, since it was a favorite of his. She parked and we went inside, being seated at once. I took a sip of my water and nearly spit it across the table when Sara looked at Jared. "So, you want to tell me why you were cool with her fucking your brother?"
