Shannon and I had been texting since I landed in LA. It was just casual conversation between friends I assured myself. He could have been talking to anyone, I reasoned. So, why do I feel so guilty? Staring down at his last message from the back seat of the cab, I couldn't help but smile. He did thoroughly kick my ass, playing that stupid video game, but in my own defense, I didn't have much experience. It was fun and I laughed it off. He made me feel like a teenager again and that's always a good thing when you're getting older. I read the message for the second time.
'You know Carrie, I suppose I'll have to let our little bet slide. Can't really see you taking me to dinner with all that's happened and not get the side eye from everyone. Just know that I'll enjoy occasionally reminding you how badly I beat you.
So, what are your plans for the evening?'
I knew what he said was the truth. It would seem awkward taking him out, and the last thing I wanted right now was any kind of unnecessary drama. I also knew I should just ignore his question and let the messaging end there, but I couldn't stop myself from responding.
'Heading over to see your favorite person and her new son before going home. 😊 Sara had her little boy while I was visiting Jared. After that, I'm going to pick up some take out and relax on the couch while trying to find a horror movie to get lost in. How about you? Another long night of video games lol?'
Pressing send the second as the cab came to a stop in front of Sara and Ryan's house, I sighed. I shoved my phone into my pocket and paid the driver before getting out and lugging my heavy bag with me. Walking up to the door, I dreaded the awkward encounter I knew was coming between Sara and me. Knocking loudly, I put on my best fake smile as Ryan opened the door. "Hey Carrie, come on in. She's on the couch feeding Chase." Ryan was always so nice to me. With his former bad boy image and deadly good looks, he was an amazing catch. Part of me was secretly jealous that Sara managed to hook a guy like him.
"Thanks." I left the bag in the foyer and nervously rubbed my sweaty hands up and down my jean clad legs. Their house was magnificent, so bright and beautifully furnished. I can remember skimming through magazines with her when we were young and picking out what we just knew our houses would look like as adults. From what I remembered, hers was almost every bit as nice as the ones she had chosen.
I walked quietly over to the couch and when Hannah and Savannah saw me, they bolted from their matching chairs and rushed over to greet me. "Aunt Carrie!"
"Hi there. Good to see you ladies. I heard you have a new little brother." I leaned down, hugging them both. Hannah began telling me all about Chase while Savannah immediately began asking for a sleepover that I promised but never followed through on. Maybe Sara wouldn't even allow it. I'm probably not the kind of influence she'd want on her daughters. "Um, well, you're gonna have to ask mommy about that one, but I do have a surprise for you two in my bag."
I rushed over to my bag to grab the snow globes and outfit for Chase I had gotten in Boston. I watched Sara cringe and Ryan immediately take hold of the two glass globes. Shit, I guess they weren't such awesome gifts after all. Ryan placed them on the table and Sara spoke again, probably trying to deflect the look of horror I saw on her face when I handed each one their gift. "Alright girls that's enough, what do you say to Aunt Carrie?"
"But I want to play with it." Savannah whined.
"Later. Tell Carrie thank you, both of you."
"Thank you." They offered in unison, and while Hannah had become interested in the movie, Savannah wouldn't leave my side.
"Sorry." I whispered to Sara, biting my lip and silently scolding myself for not giving their gifts a little more thought. Savannah stared at Ryan, who carried the seized globes out of the room. "Well, this one is better, I promise." I handed over the outfit I picked out for the baby.
"Girls, back up and let her sit down and see your brother. I think the two of you need to finish the popcorn that daddy was nice enough to make for you. Once the movie is over, it's bedtime." As I sat down, she handed the baby to me and then stood up. "Sorry, I have no idea why they are so hyper tonight."
"It's okay." I stared down at the tiny baby in my arms and immediately took notice of his big brown eyes. While the girls favored Sara, Chase certainly looked every bit like his father. "Wow, what a cutie." He yawned and I instant became lost in painful memories of my past. I'll never have this I reminded myself. Jared wasn't the type to want children. He lived the rock star life and doesn't seem to want a traditional relationship. "He's absolutely perfect. Congratulations you guys," I choked out, desperate to keep it together.
"Thank you." Ryan was the first to respond, nodding in my direction as he disappeared into the kitchen.
"You ok?" Sara whispered. Nodding, she continued. "That's it, I'm done. Had my tubes tied." Sara chimed in. She was picking up the few pieces of popcorn that were lying on the floor near the two small pink recliners in front of the coffee table. "If I have to watch Frozen one more time, I'm gonna scream!" Her tone was normal, but I knew her feelings were hurt by my non presence lately.
My phone chimed again and I shifted, deciding to ignore it for now. "I can only imagine."
She disappeared to toss the popcorn into the trash and returned. Ryan also came back and they both sat down next to me. Small talk continued for the remainder of the movie. Chase sucked on his pacifier and finally fell asleep. It had been so long since I last held a baby and I was enjoying it. He smelled so good and it stirred those feelings inside me again. Among bitter memories from my past, I was brought back to that day in Seattle, in the back of the cab. I thought of how I felt, watching that family of three walking to their red minivan. I smiled, remembering the cute little girl with pigtails being swung by her parents.
Eventually Ryan turned the tv off and took the girls upstairs to get them ready for bed. Sara and I were left alone with Chase. When he started moving around, she took him and I pulled my phone out to see another message from Shannon.
'Oh damn, tell her I said Congratulations. 🎈 she hates me so much! 😂
You and those horror flicks! Ok, I'll admit it, I'm a little jealous. Yep, it's our night off and I'm sure at some point I'll resort to playing video games. Some things never change, yet nothing in my life seems the same anymore.'
That last sentence got me. I knew he was talking about what happened between us, but before I could dwell on it, Sara said my name aloud. "Is that Jared?"
"Uh, no. It's Josh," I lied. I quickly shoved the device into my pocket. "I'm really sorry I wasn't here for the birth. You know, I felt guilty as hell when Ry called, but what could I do?"
"It's fine. I can't expect you to stop your life for me. You're here now and that's all that matters." Her tone was still a little off.
"And I wasn't thinking when I got the girls glass snow globes." I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity.
"It's fine babe. How were things being around the asshole again?" Shannon was right, she really did hate him.
Dropping my head down on the cushion behind me, I was dying to confide in her. I desperately needed to talk to someone, tell them all that's happened and ask if I was crazy for still having feelings for Shannon. The problem was, Sara was biased. "Where do I start?" Before I could finish my sentence my phone rang. Pulling the phone from my pocket, I grinned, seeing Jared's name lit up on the screen.
