Codependent

Chapter 63

I warmed up some leftovers for Peter and me and it was a scramble dinner, but I could eat and Peter ate a lot anyway so that didn't matter. We talked with Clint and laughed, I felt more relaxed and I ended up eating the greek salad I made but I mixed it with some Pasta, it was good.

At 8 we had cleaned everything and we finished our cups of tea together when Clint left. We left and were standing inside of the elevator while I build up my courage to talk to Loki.

"You can stay with me if you want to, I have my star wars movies with me if you'd like to watch them," he said softly and I smiled.

"Thanks, I might do that another day, but I'm good for now," I said and he smiled back.

"Good luck," Peter said when the elevator doors opened, I stepped out turned around and smiled at him before the doors closed again, he was such a kind-hearted person. I walked up to my bedroom door feeling somewhat nervous for confrontation but I wasn't going to back down now.

"Knock knock," I said against the door, I opened it and saw Loki sitting on the couch again talking with Thor.

"Hi," I said softly standing in the door opening, they both looked back at me and Thor stood up and walked towards the door saying hi and leaving us by closing the door. I walked over to Loki while I was still wearing the same clothes I was in all day.

"I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly," I said still standing up, I sat down next to him when he stayed silent until he looked at me.

"Can you please explain what you haven't told me?" he asked softly and slightly desperate. I sighed but let go of all my worrying thoughts about opening up or the stress about his reaction.

"I have had trouble talking to you about my eating problems, and I'm still anxious about telling you them now," I said and Loki nodded but I felt him becoming more relaxed than before.

"I promise I won't get angry, I'm just-" "Worried, yeah I know," I finished for him and he smiled softly.

"So what's the story?" he asked softly and I sighed uncomfortably.

"I still can't eat a lot of food, my stomach is literally smaller than others and I'm full very fast, the eating habits from Hydra and before aren't gone, they're far from gone actually, and I'm having trouble with trying to eat more," I started and Loki was listening carefully.

"I was always embarrassed by someone when I ate, to habit me into not being hungry anymore, and even if I am, I don't feel it, and I try to eat more because it's healthy, but you're going too fast for me, every time when I finish my food I'm proud of myself because of you, and then I can't look in the mirror while I feel full, I feel embarrassed," I said softly while I looked outside.

"So when I've had enough for me to live on for the rest of the day I throw it away, or I take small portions saying I will take second without doing that and the others won't notice, I can't even eat two meals a day, and I'm so sorry for not telling you," I said and I looked back at him, he was feeling guilty and sad, and a bit of anger.

"Please don't be angry, I'm really trying my best for you," I said softly but somewhat scared of his reaction.

"I'm not angry at you, I'm always proud of you, whatever you do, I'm angry at everyone who treated you so wrongly, and I know I haven't seen hydra yet but I can't imagine how much progress you've made coming from that shit-hole," he said slightly irritated talking about hydra making me smile softly at him.

He leaned over and gave me a hug and a kiss on my temple reassuring me, he sat back and held my hand.

"You'll get through this, and I'll be there," he said softly and I hugged him again letting myself fall into his lab, I snuggled closer to him hugging his waist while I smiled closing my eyes.