The Starling's Secret

20 - Trust is a Fragile Thing

Chisa's POV

Tears streamed freely down my cheeks as I continued wandering aimlessly through the Aerie.

I'm so lost.

I just feel... pathetic.

My words never reached them. My cry for help was not heard. I know I could have tried harder - but the words just wouldn't come. And anything I did say, I regret. They know far more than I ever thought they would.

And Lindel... somehow, he was able to figure it all out. Chise mentioned he was over a millennia old; that's probably why he can read people so well. I just... I really thought they would understand. But whatever I gave, Lindel only pushed for more... it was too much. And I don't know what they want me to say. What's the point in telling them how I feel when they can't help me? I've seen my future and it's going to happen - it doesn't matter if I have this crystal around my neck. Joseph will find a way.

He always does.

Shaking my head free of those dark thoughts, I actually pay attention to where my feet have taken me. The dewy grass beneath my feet has changed to fine, powdery sand which feels strange between my toes. Gazing ahead, I see that the small stream has opened out into a small lake. The water is crystal clear and gleams as the sunlight hits it. It's breathtaking. The breeze unsettled the water, sending ripples towards the bank where I stand.

I don't know how long I've been walking; it was dawn when I started. But now the sun is high in the sky. This place is beautiful... and so peaceful. It's clearing my troubled mind. The Aura is clam and relaxing - I want to stay here for a while.

And that's what I will do. I notice a large stone ledge just a few metres away from where I'm standing. It looks like a good place to sit, that way, I won't get Lindel's robe all sandy. The rock is elevated slightly, so I sit on flat surface, and dangle my legs over the edge. The water is cool on my toes, and I relish the feeling. The wind blows my violet locks away from my face; the breeze feels nice against my skin.

I close my eyes, allowing my other senses to take over for a moment. I shuffle out of the robe, wanting to soak up everything I can feel. I hear the wind as it sings through the valley, I feel the cold water and the warm rays of the sun, and I can smell the wildflowers and earthy grass. I am truly relaxed and comfortable. I feel content - just for a few precious moments, my problems are swept away by the wind and I smile, sighing appreciatively.

When I blink my eyes open again, the sadness returns. I can only appreciate sights like this with one eye now, and it hurts my heart. The water lapping at my ankles is a welcome distraction. It feels so good, and I shuffle closer to the edge, allowing the water to reach my calf. It's like being at the beach, paddling - and it makes me happy. After this past year, it doesn't take a lot to make me happy.

From this angle, I can peer over the edge of the rock. As my eye stares into the water, I inhale sharply. A pale face stares back at me with soulless green eyes and hollowed cheeks. Dark, purple shadows are smudged under my eyes, they may as well be permanent marks. My mass of bright purple hair only makes my skin look whiter. My features are sharp due to my skinniness, and if possible I look smaller than I did the last time I looked in the mirror. My eye zones in on the angry red line that mars my face - it's ugly, just like me.

I hate it.

Then, my eye scans over the multiple pink scars that ruin my arms. Disgusted, I run a hand along my damaged abdomen, hating my body even more.

Everything... everything about myself is damaged... because of him. He's made me ugly. He's made me a monster... like him!

I snap, yelling in frustration, I kick the water, spoiling the reflection. I bury my face in my hands, unwilling to look anymore. I begin to cry as my heart cracks, and soon the sound of my ugly sobbing fills the valley. In this moment, I truly feel sorry for myself. I always tried to find something positive; I mean, I'm still alive... but I'm not living...