Side By Side

2

Warnings:
-None

Clay's POV

I was drying myself off while staring in front of me. I was so happy that I passed the test today, but my happiness went away as soon as my mother mentioned my sexuality.

I knew the army didn't allow gay people and it hurt me because I felt discriminated even though my sexuality didn't change my willpower and my strength.

Ever since I figured out I was gay when I was thirteen my dream seemed to fade away. I planned on keeping it a secret that I liked boys because I knew the army wouldn't accept me. Unfortunately, I accidentally outed myself and the whole school knew that I was gay within a day.

I got so upset from all the bullying that I told my mother what happened. She has always been supportive, but realised my dream was fading away like this. Together with my father, we looked for solutions and I would just hide my sexuality. They had no reason to ask if I was gay or not.

I wished it was this easy, but the bullying in school broke me at that time, until I decided to make this into my strength instead of my weakness. I made myself angry while training and repeated all their insults in my head to become stronger.

Whenever I felt like giving up, I repeated myself getting pushed down while they screamed at me that I was weak and that I wouldn't get anywhere in my life. I was stronger than that and I was proving them that I could do it, gay or not.

I dressed up and went downstairs again, seeing that my mother made breakfast for me. Three eggs with milk. I needed to gain muscles and get stronger so I ate loads of proteins.

I sat on the couch with an angry face as I grabbed my earphones to listen to music as my mother walked up to me and sat down next to me on the couch. She looked away from me, but I could hear her shaky breath.

'Clay... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, but I just don't want you to be disappointed if they do figure it out,' she whispered. 'I know this is your dream and I wish it would have been easy.'

I lifted my head up to her and shook my head.

'I'm not giving up, mom. Listen, I've been training all my life, before I knew I was gay, before I got bullied. I WANT to go into the army and I'm ready to give up everything I have to follow my dreams!'

'But you'll always have to lie,' my mom mumbled with tears in her eyes. 'And I don't want you to feel lonely because I know you feel lonely when you have to bottle things up.'

I took a bite from my egg and silently chew it as my mother looked away again. I swallowed the bite and then sighed.

'I'd rather lie than give up,' I started. 'Whatever you say, I'm not going to leave this dream behind. I want to be a soldier and I'm going to be a soldier too. I'm going to the boot camp and I'll show everyone what I'm made of. The bullies made me so much stronger, they made me want to prove myself even more.'

'You don't have to prove yourself-.'

'YES, I DO! Gay boys can't go in the army because people think they are weak and too busy with makeup or whatever AND THAT'S NOT TRUE. I'm just as strong as a straight guy if not stronger and my willpower is way stronger than anyone out there because I need to prove that a gay guy can do this! I'm proving those bullies wrong after I've been humiliated!'

'You aren't weak and I know you're really strong and anything. You don't have to go into the army to prove yourself, honey,' she tried.

'BUT I WANT TO BE A SOLDIER. I'm not just going there to prove myself, I'm going there because it's my dream and on top of that, I'm going to show everyone that gay boys can serve in the army!' I screamed as I put my plate down.

I stood up from anger and was about to walk to my room as I bumped into my dad who immediately wrapped his arms around my shoulders. 'Clay, we love you so much and I don't want you to give up your dreams. We just don't want you to feel sad or alone when you get accepted.'

'Why do I have to be gay?' I whispered. 'Why me? I've really wanted to be a soldier since I was so young and it makes me so upset that I'm gay and my dream is so much further away than I've always excepted it to be.'

'If they only look at your willpower, your strength, how much you listen to someone who would demand you to do things, your bravery and your stamina, you're the best one there for sure,' my father smiled. 'And that's why we won't tell them that you're gay, because it doesn't matter.'

I breathed out and pulled away from his grasp. 'I really want to do this and I'm going to keep fighting until I can't anymore. I'm going to be a soldier.'

'That's what I want to hear,' my dad yelled as he grabbed my shoulders. 'Put a smile on that face and never give up, Clay. You're going to be a soldier and I've never been more sure of anything else than that.'

My lips curled into a smile as I nodded. 'I can do this and I'm going to do this. I passed the test this morning, dad. I was ten seconds early and I'm obviously going to keep training. I want to be able to beat everyone and show them that I can do it.'

'Once you've graduated, I'll be cheering you on,' my dad laughed. 'Eat your breakfast and then go to school. You're stronger than all those bullies, just wait for the moment you're fighting in the army and they are sitting behind a desk to write down what they did that day.'

I chuckled and nodded. 'I'm so motivated, I'm going to be a soldier. No one is stopping me anymore.'

I sat down to eat my breakfast with a big smile on my face. I was going to prove everyone wrong and follow my dreams.

1085 words