Jarchie Oneshots

||I was mad at you||

• Jughead x vampire crap
• Vampire!Jughead, obviously

Despite it being lunch break, the student lounge was fairly empty — and that with it being a community college and the only place with vending machines. Jughead sat on the couch, next to Betty, though he read a book instead of paying attention to anyone or anything.

That was at least until something landed on his thighs. Of course Jughead had known that Archie was walking in. He had this recognizable footstep — too loud, too confident. He merely looked up from his book with a raised eyebrow, when Archie leaned on his lap. His elbows rested on Jughead's thighs, his chin in his hands and grin on his face.

"I've got a question" Archie started and Jughead couldn't help but exhale softly, preparing himself for the inevitable.

"Shoot away"

"Okay. How much garlic can you take before, you know..." Archie trailed off dramatically, glancing around before baring his teeth and letting out a ridiculous hissing sound "Ssssss — oh, it burns, it burns!"

Jughead blinked at him, deadpan.

"Archie, what the hell"

"I mean, seriously. How much garlic does it actually take to repel you? Because there's no measurement, right? Like... is it a teaspoon? A clove? The idea of garlic?" Archie pressed on, unfazed. He was talking with his hands now, taking up all of Jughead's lap, and Jughead could feel the warmth of his body through his jeans.

"Archie-"

"Because if it's a tiny bit — like a speck — of garlic that kind of makes you look weak, man. What if someone waves garlic bread in your face? Instant defeat. Is it more like... lactose intolerance? Or more like a nut allergy? Because those are very different vibes" Jughead sighed, closing his book and resting it against his thigh.

"Why does this matter to you?"

"Because it's important. What if I make dinner for you and accidentally forget and then just kill my boyfriend? That would ruin the mood of a fine date night, don't you think?" Archie explained and Jughead groaned, sliding down on the couch. Betty merely snorted, trying to look like she was scrolling through her phone — but she obviously was listening in.

"It's... more like a bad lactose intolerance, okay? Hurts like hell, so please don't put it in my food, not even on 'accident'" He explained after a moment.

"So it wouldn't kill you?"

"Not unless you pour an entire bottle of garlic powder on me, no"

"Oh. Okay, good" Archie nodded to himself before his face lit up once more "I do have another question"

"Archie" Jughead warned. He had only told his boyfriend about the whole... diet thing a week ago but Archie had been relentless since then. Every chance he got, he questioned him or made ridiculous comments. Jughead knew that it would happen, to some extent, but this was getting on his nerves.

"What? Just one more. You only drink blood, right? Because you can't go outside for vitamin D and stuff. But you could just take supplements, can't you? Pills exist"

Jughead dragged a hand down his face.

"I'm... not sure that's how it works"

"Still! You could at least try. Oh. And you could also drink coconut water. Did you know it can be used as a blood transfusion? You could just, like, replace your cravings with Gatorade and coconuts" Jughead let his head fall back against the couch with a groan.

"Archie, please. Stop asking me questions about it. Especially in public"

"Why? It's only you, Betty and me here — and she figured it out before me" Archie protested, causing Betty to snort once more.