The broken doctor (book 2 of 'Doctor' duology)

Five

TW!

I'm me, but I'm not me.

I feel everything, but at the same time I feel nothing, I feel empty, I feel numb. His voice echoes in my head over and over, saying the most horrid things to me, about me.

What should I do?

What can I do?

Where is my old self?

The badass that doesn't care what others think, the woman that would get ready to please herself and not the others, the independent woman, fearless, stubborn, strong. Where is she? Where am I?

He broke me, he shattered me, and he took away the most important part of me, I went through everything because of her, she made me strong, she made me stubborn, but without her, I can't go on.

The rape, the torture, the beatings, I took it all because I knew I had to go back to her, I knew she needed me. But his words broke me, his words killed me.

I know she's not dead, I know it, I can feel it, but is she being treated right? Marcello won't touch her, I made sure of that, but she's still not safe, she's still not with me. But now that I think about it, would she be safe with me?

I'm not fine.

My mental health is worse than bad.

I'm not fit for a mother.

I'm weak. Useless.

I'm pathetic.

I'll find her, maybe let her with her father and leave, I'm a mess, problematic. I'm chaos, and that's the last thing she needs, even with her father in the mafia she will be better without me. But he doesn't believe me.

I know he doesn't, nobody in this room believes, does Vito believe in me?

Inside my head is messy and loud I can't think clearly. Who should I trust? What should I do? Where do I start? Where the fuck am I? I want to, fuck I want so bad to get out of this pathetic state I'm in, I want to get up, grab a gun and find my daughter. My Hera.

Do you want to know why I chose that name? What does it mean? Hera means warrior or queen. Hera was Zeus's wife and the goddess of women, love, and family.

It's a powerful name, just like my baby, she's power, a warrior, and without a doubt a queen.

"Everyone get out, Vito you too." I'm brought out of my thoughts by Niccolo's voice.

I'm torn, it's so good to finally see him, to hear him, to finally be here with him, but I can't enjoy the moment not without her.

I thought of him every single day, did he think of me? Is he mad at me? I love him, does he love me? Will he do the same things Marcello did to me? I love him so fucking much but can I trust him?