The broken doctor (book 2 of 'Doctor' duology)

Twenty eight

I knocked on the door but there wasn't any answer, so I decided to walk in, Andrea was curled up in the middle of his bed. I can't imagine what he must be feeling right now.

And some part of me can't help but feel guilty, it was because of me that Sam decided to do what he did.

I walked to the bed and laid down behind him, spooning him, he turned around and he put his head in the crook of my neck and I hugged him tightly.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

I feel like all I do is apologize lately.

"No, it wasn't your fault, he made his choice." He said to me.

"What can I do to make it feel better?" I asked.

"Just be here."

"I will never leave any of you again."

"Good, don't worry about me, this will go away, I just feel so betrayed. Let's talk about your wedding." He started with a sad voice but then jumped out of bed.

This is one of the things in love about Andrea, he never stays down for too long, he does feel things, he's hurt and sad, probably angry too, but he doesn't let that stop him.

He went to his desk and got his laptop.

"I already have a place." He said.

"Where?"

"It's a surprise but trust me. And date too, in less than four months you will be a married woman."

"I'm already a married woman." I said.

"If I wasn't there, it didn't happen." He said making me laugh.

"I love you Andrea." I said.

"I love you too, Ju. Now, tell me how you want it."

"Simple, I don't want anything fancy. Can you give me some hint about the place, so I can think about the details?"

"It's outdoor. Trees and grass around and a pond. I think I said too much, you won't get anything else from me."

"Okay, I can imagine. Okay, I always wanted a garden wedding, you know green, white, and wood decorations, fairy lights hanging from the trees."

"I will make it happen, bestie. I will also make some reservations in wedding dresses stores. Wait stop everything." He said and closed his laptop.

"What?"

"We didn't talk about the time you went to the hospital." He said and I sighed.

"I needed it, I know it helped, sometimes I feel guilty for leaving you all. But I was in a really bad place." I said looking at my hands.

"No one is angry or anything, I know how much you love us and Hera it must have been hard to do that, and for that I admire you. Yes, we wanted to be the ones helping you, but at the end of the day we know we couldn't really do much besides from being there or hiring some therapists."

"Thank you for understanding."

"What about your wounds?"

"They are all closed now, I actually thought that I would get more scars but I had good care."

"And what about intimacy? I admit, I did a lot of research when you were at the hospital. How do you feel about being with Niccolo?"

I wish everyone could have a friend like mine.

"We kissed but it didn't go beyond that, I don't know if there's a right time or if it's too soon, I know I want him but I'm scared."

I and Andrea always talked about our sexual life, it never bother us, even now that I'm talking about his brother, obviously, I will not give him the details.

And this time I know that it's more than just curiosity, I know he cares about me and my well being.

"I know that Nic will never pressure you, so if you want to try anything you need to be the one taking the first step." He said, I got out of the bed and started pacing the room.

"Is it too soon? What if he doesn't want me anymore? I have scars, you know? Not just in my back or arms, I- I-"

"Stop right there. There's no right or wrong time, if you want it it's totally fine. And don't say he doesn't want you, that is absurd, that man is so in love with you, you know very well that he doesn't care about the scars if you don't care too."

"I don't know what to do."

"Look Ju, if you want it, try it, if it becomes too overwhelming he will stop immediately, he will never force you. He loves you and most important he's not Marcello."

"I know, I will think about it."

I've been thinking about it for the last week, even before being together again with him but I'm just afraid and a bit insecure. I always was proud of my body, and I never got shy before during sex, with Niccolo, or even before him.

But now it's different, I'm different and my body is different.

"Good, now let's plan a wedding." He said and opened his laptop again, I sat beside him and we spent some time there looking for ideas.

I do feel overwhelmed, but with happiness, I no longer have to look over my shoulder, I am home, I have a beautiful daughter, wonderful friends, and spectacular parents role models.

And I have my man, the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. The father of my daughter and hopefully more, I don't know what will happen tomorrow or in a few years but I know that nothing can be worse than what I've been through.

So whatever the future holds I'm ready for it, because I know I'm not alone, I have a whole family by my side, my family.

What's been popping in my mind is how I miss taking care of people, helping them. The doctor in me wants to show again, but how? I don't have my license.

But I do miss it a lot, that feeling after you save someone or even if the person only needs ice, you know that you helped someone feel better, I miss that.

My only way of practicing again is working for Talon, that means being the doctor for the mafia again, but I don't know if I should, it doesn't feel right because Niccolo is leaving that life behind.

Not because of me, I know.

But what would he think if I told him that I wanted to do that?

It's very confusing because since my mother got sick all I wanted was to be a doctor, and I studied hard to be able to do it, saving people is my passion.

I don't know what I should do.