The broken doctor (book 2 of 'Doctor' duology)

Eleven

I was drifting off to sleep when I heard Julianna whimper, but soon her whimpers turned into screams, and then she started thrashing around in bed and shouting, my blood ran cold hearing her beg to stop.

Is she dreaming about Marcello?

"Stop, stop, no more." She shouted. I got up and went to her.

"Stop Marcello, please stop." She said and started sobbing.

"Julianna, Julianna wake up." I said, shaking her shoulders. I don't know if I should wake her up or not in this situation, but she looks like she's in pain, I can't let her continue dreaming about it, she needs to wake up and see that she's not there anymore and that he can't hurt her.

"Julianna." I said louder and her eyes shot open, she sat on the bed looking all around her until her eyes locked with mine.

Pain and sadness, there's all I can see in them.

Oh my Julianna.

"Niccolo?" I heard her raspy voice.

"Yeah, baby I'm here."

"I-i was there, i-"

"It was a dream, I'm here Julianna, he can't hurt you anymore. Can I hug you?" In the barely lit room, I saw her small nod, I got closer to her and pull her to my chest with my arms.

"It wasn't a dream, it was a memory."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't get to you sooner, I'm so fucking sorry." I said on the brick of crying.

"Did you try?"

"What?"

"Did you try to find me?" She asked, I pulled back and my hands went to her face.

"Since you called when you had the accident, I searched for you every day until we found the ship, and after I never stopped."

"Then it's not your fault. You did everything you could."

"It doesn't feel like it."

"Can you-uhmm- can you stay here with me?"

"I won't leave the room."

"No, can you lay here with me?"

"Whatever you want." I said, I made space for me in bed and I laid next to her, we were face to face.

I changed my suit for sweats and a tee, she was tracing my arm tattoo deep in thought. My eyes roamed her face and I admired her beauty, even with some cuts and bruises I can't deny how beautiful she is.

Her bright eyes, even full of pain are mesmerizing, her small nose, her pouty lips, she's perfect, and she's mine.

Since our paths crossed, my life feels like a roller coaster, every time I'm without her feels like I'm climbing and climbing but I can't get to the top, when I see her or share the same space with her, feels like I'm on top, but it's when I'm with her, when I talk with her, hear her, do things with her, feels like I'm going down, but not in a bad way.

Because if you think about it, the best part of a roller coaster is when you are on full speed going down, it's when you laugh, it's when you feel the adrenaline.

It's when you feel alive.

The memory you keep of a roller coaster it's when you're going down, the whole ride you are more excited to that moment. And that's how she makes me feel, she makes me feel alive.

"Do you regret it?" She whispered.

"Regret what?" I ask.

"Everything, being with me? Sleep with me? Hera? Do you regret it?"

"No, just wished things were different."

"How? Tell me how you wanted things to be." She said and looked me in the eyes.

"Well, if I could go back and do things differently, I wouldn't have been such an asshole when we first met, I would've thanked you and asked you out, and our journey would start there. That's one of the two ways I imagined."

"And the other?"

"The other? I would do the same but the day after our night together I would stay in bed, you wouldn't go out because it didn't matter if you got pregnant or not, you were already mine forever. You would never be kidnapped, we would find out you were pregnant together, we would probably freak out maybe have an argument or two about it. Your pregnancy would be calm and magical, I would be by your side holding your hand when it was time for her to know the world." I said while looking into her eyes, I saw her tears and ran my thumbs over them.

"That sounds nice, but-" She says with a small smile on her lips.

"No, I will never regret anything that involves you Julianna, or our daughter, like I said I wish things were different, as long as at the end I end up with you. We start things in a wrong way, you know that, I know that, fuck, everyone knows that, but I fell for you and I fell hard, I'm never letting you go."

"I'm not good Niccolo, my head, it's all fucked up in here, I want to find Hera and-"

"And what Julianna?"

"And you will take care of her better than me."

"So what? You were just gonna give her to me and leave her? Leave me?"

"I'm a disaster Niccolo, I'm not fine, I'm not fit to be a mother. You don't get it."

"No Julianna you're right, I don't get it. Your family is here, everyone that cares for you and that you care about is here, we will help you, I will help you. You just need to let me."

"It's not that easy, my head, my thoughts are dark, what if I hurt her? No, I can't risk it." She said stubbornly.

"Let's just focus on finding her, you will see that you're the best mother she could ever have. Try to sleep, I'll be here." I said and pulled her to my chest.

The conversation should've not ended there but I was getting angry with what she was saying. Was this her idea all along? Where would she go? How can I help her? I can't let her leave.

I'm trying to understand her, her way of thinking, I'm trying to understand her but I can't help it to feel hurt with the way she wants to be away from us. I'll be there with every step she takes, if she's afraid to hurt Hera, I'll be there by her side to percent that.

We can find doctors, therapists, everything she needs, as long as she stays.

I just can't be more time without her.