The broken doctor (book 2 of 'Doctor' duology)

Eighteen

I was actually having a good dream, it was me, Hera, and Niccolo in someplace that looked like a garden, a big one with green grass, trees all around, and some flowers here and there.

The sky was blue and there were no clouds, the birds sang in the trees, I was sat in a blanket feeling the heat from the sun laughing while Niccolo ran after an older Hera, my hands went to my stomach when I felt our baby kick inside my belly.

I could see the scars in my arms and legs, but it didn't bother me, I was feeling happy and complete, the only thought in my mind was, 'we came so far'.

Everything was good until I felt something on my face and it was getting harder and harder to breathe, I woke up from my dream, my hands tried to feel what was on my face and it was a pillow.

Someone was trying to kill me.

I kicked my legs, and tried to scratch the other person but it was getting harder and harder to keep conscious.

"You fucked up everything." I heard the person say and I recognized that voice. It was Sam.

"I liked you at first, but then my best friend had to fucking fall in love with you and you got married. And you started sticking your nose in the mafia business like you owned everything." I heard him say, my nails were scratching his arms but he wouldn't move.

"From all of us, I was always the one that would get left out, always for last. But then you were gone and I had my best friend and even a boyfriend, they cared more about me. So the best for me was to keep you away, that's why I decided to help Marcello. He should have killed you when he got the chance, but he was weak, so I will do it." He said, I could hear the hate in his voice, this felt like hours when in reality it must have been a minute.

My brain was shutting down from lack of oxygen, my movement became slower and my arms heavier, I couldn't fight anymore. I was going to die, because of jealousy.

But then I felt the weight leave my face, the pillow fell beside me and I sat up and tried to take in as much oxygen I could. I looked around me looking for the culprit and John was on top of him on the floor punching him again and again until he passed out.

"Alessandro, Sienna." John shouted, he turned to me and took slow steps in my direction.

"He's out, he won't touch you again. Deep breaths, I'm sorry we were in the living room but I must have fallen asleep and he took the opportunity, I'm sorry Julianna."

"What happened?" Mama and papa asked when they got in the room, they looked around and their eyes stopped on Sam.

"What did he do?" Papa asked.

"He tried to kill me." I said between breaths.

"John, take him downstairs and tie him." Papa said, John looked one last time to me with worry and guilt in his eyes and walked to Sam.

"Wait, John thank you. If you- I- just thank you." I said. He gave me a small nod but I could see that he was blaming himself, he threw Sam over his shoulder and walked out of the room.

"Are you okay? Do you want the oxygen mask? Maybe it's better to call the doctor." Papa said.

"No, I'm fine." I said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, fuck but for a moment I did think I was going to die. Any news?" I asked.

"Yes, Niccolo texted." Mama said and gave the phone.

We are going in now. I'll call when I get her.

"Well, I guess we don't need to keep digging about Sam anymore." Papa said.

"He was jealous. He said that when I was gone he had more attention." I said, my breathing was normal now.

It's good to have the confirmation that I wasn't crazy, Sam was with Marcello, but at the same time I hoped I was wrong, he was like a brother to Niccolo and he was Andrea's boyfriend, both of them might be on my side but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt them.

All because of jealousy.

I never wanted to come between anyone, I know Andrea for years and Niccolo, he's different but never wanted to compromise their friendship. And obviously, I know I don't own the place, it's just my personality-or was- when I feel welcomed and good I act like it.

I can't do anything right, can I?

First I can't keep my legs closed, at the club with Niccolo, then in Italy with Marcello, and then again with Niccolo, maybe he was right, I am a whore, maybe that's all I'm good at.

Look at me, I couldn't even keep my job at the hospital, I drank so much alcohol, that I ended up getting married. Then because of my irresponsibility, I ended up pregnant and couldn't even protect my own daughter.

I feel like I take one step forward and twenty backward.

I'm no good, not to Niccolo, not to Andrea, and not to my daughter, Sam was right, Marcello should've killed me when he could.

I will only drag this family down with me, I'm full of problems, full of insecurities, Niccolo might be good with it for now, but soon he will realize that I can't be alone with my baby, he will realize that he can't touch me without me freaking out. He'll be disgusted with my scars down there.

Maybe I should leave right now. Before he gets here, he's he with Hera yet? Maybe I should leave when I know she's safe, they will be happier that way.

Maybe that way Niccolo won't feel like he needs to leave the mafia for me. It's his legacy, his father's job passed down to him, I'm sure he doesn't want to leave everything he always wanted and worked for to live a boring life.

"Oh, Niccolo texted." Mama said and showed me the phone.

I have her, she's perfect and nothing happened to her. I'll be home with her soon.

She's safe.

She's safe with him.