Depths of Despair ✶ Theodore Nott

six. terrifying is the truth

Impossible is a word normally thrown around without accuracy — used as an excuse, to make giving up more honorable, rather than simply admitting to failure.

Rarely is anything being proclaimed not possible actually not possible, however when being told tales of what seemed like lunacy, James Potter stared at his friend — wondering whether or not to call St Mungo's and have him admitted for evaluation. "Remus, look—," he began, however the look on Remus Lupin's face had him abruptly halter midst his sentence.

"I already know what you're going to say, and I say don't." The more reasonable of the two stood from his chair, walking across his office to stand before his friend. "You're in denial, but I want you to know I wouldn't tell you all this if I was not absolutely certain."

"It's impossible," James stuttered out; unsure how to proceed, unsure how to feel. Never had he expected the letter arriving perfectly in time for breakfast. Never had he expected the information revealed by Remus' familiar penmanship, and certainly had he never expected of himself to stomp toward the fireplace and urgently travel to Hogwarts by floo-system.

Nonetheless, he found himself in his friend's office, blabbering on and on about the many reasons Remus' theory could not be true.

Because it couldn't.

"I'm telling you Remus", he nervously continued; desperate at proving his denial to be correct. "There is no way."

And Remus Lupin sighed, then rolled his eyes in frustration. "She looks like you. Too much like you." Never was James a very good listener, yet never had he expected him to panic. Seeing the man known for his easygoing ways tremble and stutter and stumble over his words was an odd sight. "Her last name is Leclere, and Olenna is her mother. Do you not see the pattern?"

For a second or two, James grimaced. "That woman is awful. I don't know why I ever found it within myself to sleep with—"

Silence reigned the room, because as if coming to a sudden realization, James froze in movement, mid-sentence, simply staring ahead of himself in shock.

"I slept with her." James repeated, as if only now seeing what Remus had spent an hour trying to explain. He appeared terrified — eyes wide, hands trembling while he hastily combed through his hair with his fingers. "Lily and I were taking a break, and I slept with Olenna Leclere, and... How old did you say this kid is, again?"

"She's in her third year", Remus calmly explained, wishing to relive his friend's obvious distress. "Just like Harry."

"Oh, god." James began pacing back and forth in the room, overtaken with sudden realization crashing in on him. "Oh, god!"

"Just take it easy, alright—"

"Take it easy?" Finally reaching a breaking point, James snapped; spinning around on his heel, facing Remus with an exasperated expression spreading quickly across his features. He seemed not to know what to do with himself, instead resorting to yelling, but Remus took no offense — allowing the man to rant for as long as he pleased, in hope it would ease the obvious denial and help him see everything clearly. "You're telling me there's a kid who looks just like me, who shares her last name with the woman I slept with thirteen years ago, and you expect me to just take it easy?"

Feeling as if near collapsing, he stumbled toward Remus' vacant chair; sitting down and leaning forwards to bury his face in his hands. The world was spinning, his mind aching as if overwhelmed with information needing to be processed, and James Potter needed a second or two to just simple breathe, scared he might otherwise have a heart attack.

"Just take some time and process all this, if that is what you need to rationally talk about this", Remus advised, which seemed to be appreciated by James who did not say anything at all for a few long-lasting minutes.

     Then, he sat up straight and exhaled a deep breath, a sudden sense of determination crossing his features. "I want to see her." He stood up, all traces of despair erased, and three long strides was all he needed to reach the door. When Remus, however, quickly reached out to grab a hold of his arm, the determination was replaced by annoyance. "Remus, let me go."

     "No."

     "You were the one to tell me I potentially have a daughter", James countered with narrowed eyes — not understanding why he was being held back. "Now I want to see her, so please—"

     "You can't. James, I spoke to Dumbledore, and she has an incredible talent for legilimency", Remus explained calmly. "She's been able to read minds since she was only a child, and as Dumbledore explains it her abilities reach far beyond what we usually associate with legilimency. She planted one of her own thoughts in my head the other day —"

     "What does this have to do with me not being able to see her?" James was growing impatient, unable to think rationally concerning the situation.

     "What I'm trying to say is, that she does not have much control. The moment you walk into the same room she's in, she will unintentionally hear your every thought." James slowly stilled, ceasing from struggling against his friends grip as he began to understand what Remus was trying to explain. "I'm pretty sure you don't want her to know that you're potentially her... father, before even being able to exchange a single word, and therefore I ask you to wait."

     James backed away from the door, slowly; as if in some sort of trance. His eyes appeared blank, and for a moment, Remus worried he might have gone into shock. Then he looked up once more, running a hand through his hair to get it away from his face before parting his lips to speak. "Dumbledore must know the truth, right?" James and Remus both knew the right answer, because it seemed like Albus Dumbledore always knew everything about everyone — certainly he would not be unfamiliar with Valerie Leclere's parentage as he was so involved in handling her rare set of abilities.

     "He most likely does", Remus replied with certainty; and without needing to say much else, the two close friends walked toward the door — swung it open and set their course on the Hogwarts Headmaster's office.