Depths of Despair ✶ Theodore Nott

ten. fear makes us question our sanity

Words on parchment, underlining images moving in a manner considered unusual to anyone outside of the wizarding world, perhaps should not cause concern — yet, Valerie Leclere sat frozen at the Slytherin table, eyes going over and over the very same sentence for the fifth time, still unable to make sense of what went on within her mind.

      The Daily Prophet had turned out a mess as of late: fear causing even carefully picked out journalists to malfunction in their normally perfected writing. Perhaps they should not publish at all, for certainly was their caution revealed through their words — the news meaning to alert and prevent harm, doing no else than only causing ever more havoc.

     Peter Pettigrew. It was all about Peter Pettigrew, and it installed some sense of discomfort within Valerie's chest.

      Perhaps would it be too much of a display of arrogance to speak aloud, but the man never had truly succeeded in causing her fear— sure, the thought of encountering an azkaban escapee was nothing else than unsettling, but rather than fearing the man displayed across The Daily Prophet's front page, she feared his morals.

     Betrayal is foul, yet Pettigrew seemed to have willingly let himself drown in it's cruel clutches: a mark branded onto his left forearm, threats stitched into repetitive manipulation enough for him to spill every secret — revealing all that should have remained hidden: preferring the path of cowardice, compared to dying with the pride of saving his friends instead of forsaking them.

     Valerie did not understand, nor did she expect she ever would. Always had she valued honesty: perhaps due to her own ability to detect other people's lies even when she'd prefer not to. How anyone could commit to betrayal in the way Peter Pettigrew had attempted, could by her impossibly be grasped and comprehended.

     The Great Hall had previously been filled with anticipation, before all turned out for the worse. Trips to Hogsmeade always were appreciated, and for the third years only now allowed the opportunity to depart — if only for a short while — from inside the castle walls, the day had been spoken about and planned to perfection for weeks.

     However, quickly can happiness turn vile, for if anything the universe surely is volatile. A single news article, and so she could sense the excitement within most quickly go to waste: washed away like snow on a rainy day.

     Although she personally did not hold within the capability to fear Peter Pettigrew, others certainly did. Throughout the Great Hall spread a wave of whispers, because the Azkaban escapee had been spotted in a village too close for comfort, and some were beginning to experience the symptoms of creeping paranoia.

'What if's' are dangerous, but Valerie could not blame them for greeting the term a little bit too eagerly — the castle walls had after all been breached only days before, and surely it would leave the idea of safety permanently damaged, if not fully ripped apart.

It saddened her to see the happiness gone so quickly. It saddened her to see exhilaration go dull, for the day was supposed to be a good one — free from the influence of fear, void of any mentioning of Peter Pettigrew or the cruelty his very existence had come to represent.

     "Are you okay?" Spoke a voice causing her immediate irritation, before a presence sat down in the vacant seat beside her. Valerie looked up and met with the dark eyes of Theodore Nott, quick to quirk an eyebrow upwards — never had she heard an 'are you okay?' sound so free of empathy. It sounded almost as if he was uncomfortable with displaying concern, and for some reason it was to her amusing.

Quickly did she hide the urge to scoff, and instead resorted with a glare launched his direction. "What do you want?"

"You look as if someone's slipped poison into your pumpkin juice," he replied casually with a shrug of his shoulders — sarcasm dripping off his tone, to which Valerie rolled her eyes.

"Leave."

"Always so polite, aren't you?" He taunted, a smile blossoming across his lips.

Not even needing to look away from her untouched breakfast, she grabbed a hold of the newspaper before her: performing a swift move and then slapping it against the back of his head.

"Ouch," Theodore theatrically muttered aloud whole also running a hand through his dark hair: brushing some disheveled strands, as a result
of her sudden assault, away from his eyes. Taking a moment to observe, he appeared to lower his weapon consisting of sarcasm — expressing a sigh as if already regretting the words about to spoken next. "Alright, seriously though, what's wrong?"

Valerie simply stared at him, wondering whether or not he had actually expected her to reply with honesty.

"Come on, better to talk about it than to challenge professor Snape on his brooding all day long," he continued to sarcastically insist. She could tell he was not being fully genuine — reaching out to potentially support merely due to obligation rather than actual genuineness.

     "Bye, Theodore." Standing from her seat, she settled into a walk: leaving Theodore alone at the table, and his question unanswered.

     The halls echoed empty, most getting ready for Hogsmeade, while the remaining students most likely had placed themselves in the library to catch up on assignments. Quickly, Valerie found herself rushing out of the castle — intent on finding Kieran before he left.

     She found him in the courtyard, ever so slightly panting from effort when haltering by his side. Although rolling her eyes at the unexpected presence of Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini, she nodded her head when her best friend quirked an eyebrow upwards — a silent exchange between the two, which no one but them seemed to truly understand. She wished to come along to Hogsmeade, although she had previously denied the offer, and Kieran was happy to accept: expressing a sigh of relief.

      He hoped her company might make spending all day with people he only pretended to tolerate less of a burden, all while Valerie herself was in need of the distraction: protective shields around her mind climbing back up when no longer allowing herself to drown in the thoughts of others.

     As the group settled into a walk, Hogsmeade on their minds, none of the fear infested upon the castle seemed to wrap around them any longer — washed away by simply stepping outside the walls meant to protect them.

The same walls that had lately appeared to rather be caving them in.

. . . . .

this chapter is awful, but consider is more as a filler until I figure out how to get the plot to move forwards :))