Depths of Despair ✶ Theodore Nott

forty four. put distance to what scares you

    September first appeared to be an eternity away, yet as the day finally arrived, Theodore Nott simply had to board the Hogwarts Express to halter midst a step — a frown across his feature, concern tugging at his conscience.

    Much can be concealed in writing, yet not even Valerie's skilled penmanship nor cleaver composition of words could have him fooled when her distress was so obvious. Seeing her, however, proved the matters to be worse than what he could have ever imagined.

    Valerie Leclere resembled a ghost more than she did herself, and although she had done all in her capacity to sew together the scattered image of herself as bulletproof, a shadow of melancholy hung loosely upon her shoulders. Why, Theodore thought to himself. Why had she felt forced to return to her mother, and argued for the cause so desperately?

   Bad decisions and their consequences; darkness circles her eyes, gaze appearing distant and cold. Complexion pale, almost sickly so, and the usual radiance of her skin had been replaced by faded spots of purple — Theodore narrowing his eyes in anger at the bruises. Surely she would heal them the very second she could use magic without risking expulsion and pretend like nothing happened.

   She spotted him only when it was already too late to pretend not to be staring at her. An eyebrow of hers quirked upwards, and so the mask was on; shielding away her distress, replacing it with humor. Before daring to approach him, he observed the way she brushed her hair into her face as a way to discreetly cover the purple. Valerie Leclere was putting on the performance of her life, and Theodore Nott had never before felt as guilty for letting her leave with her mother that day at King's Cross station.

   "Are you staring at me, Nott." Her time was humorous, yet there was a hint in her eyes, telling him that she knew that he knew, but pleaded him not to address the matter. Theodore wished to argue with her — how could anyone be so reckless with their well-being? —  yet respected her enough to restrain himself.

   "Humble yourself, Leclere," he responded instead, a smirk widening across his lips as she lingered alongside him. "Pretty sure that ego of yours does not need inflating."

   Slowly could he see her flawless mannerisms faltering; her shoulders relaxing, her composure going from cold and unforgiving, to warm and inviting, a smile gracing her expression. Whatever had happened to her throughout the summer, it had left bruises upon her skin, it had dulled her eyes from their usual spark. Still, she managed almost effortlessly to put a smile on his lips — Theodore content with being able to do the same.

   A scoff surfaced, Valerie rolling her eyes. "Says the narcissist himself."

   Their bickering carried on as they began searching through the train for their friends; Valerie knew not when her and Kieran had blended with Draco, Blaise, Daphne, Theodore and Pansy, but they had. It had reached a point where, if Kieran was not with her, he would be found alongside any of the fellow Slytherins — the very same individuals who he had rolled his eyes in annoyance at only nine months prior.

    "So, had a good summer?" Asked Valerie after a while, for eventually the light-hearted reading came to an end. Theodore looked up and met the hazel of her eyes — he knew it would be a one-sided topic of conversation, as he would do as she wished and not ask the same in return, however chose to reply regardless.

   "It was... okay. I was concerned for quite some time." It was a clear hint, Valerie shooting him a quick smile before looking away.

   She wished she could tell him, yet she needed to last under the pressure of his gaze. Think of the consequence, Valerie. She was.

   Do you wish to kill him by telling him too much? No. Absolutely not. So she kept silent, locking up whatever words rested upon her tongue regarding the dark shapes imprinted onto her left arm, her spiraling control over her legilimency, or her mother's continuous torture. Hide it away with a smile, and so she knew he would dare ask no questions.

   Haltering midst a step after spotting a familiar figure within the compartment to her left, Valerie paused and smiled at the sight of Kieran. Her hand drifted to push the door open, yet as if remembering something important she drew it back just as quickly, turning toward Theodore. "I'll be right back."

   He looked worriedly after her as she began walking in the opposite direction, eventually disappearing down the hallway. A debate rose from within; should he enter the compartment, or wait for her? Out of concern he chose the later, backing away from the window to the door simply to make sure none of their friends accidentally glanced outside and spotted him just standing there.

   It took only a minute or two, and then her light footsteps reached through his comprehension, and once his eyes drifted upon her approaching figure, something was different.

   The bruises, he realized a second thereafter. Gone as if never there in the first place. Of course, she chose to speak nothing of the matter, and smiled toward Theodore; the later reaching the compartment door and pushing it open, letting her enter first before following closely behind.

   Inside sat five figures, all pausing midst a conversation to look at them entering. Blaise sat closest to the window; arms crossed, body leaned against the wall as if trying to sleep. Pansy and Daphne were sat alongside one another across from him, Kieran sat next to Daphne (predictable as he was). Draco had his arms crossed over his chest, a scowl spreading across his expression. For what reason, was to Theodore and Valerie unknown, however the entire group appeared to react positively to their appearance.

   "There you are," uttered Pansy, raising an eyebrow as if silently questioning their previous whereabouts.

   "Yeah, what took you so long?" This time, Kieran's voice echoed across the compartment — tone dripping with sarcasm although his gaze lingered upon his best friend, taking not to her rather... concerning state just as easily as Theodore had. He knew her well, either way, and decided to bring it up when they were alone. Never did Valerie appreciate confrontation, especially not whilst amongst other people.

    "Well, we would have gotten here faster if you hadn't chosen the most inconvenient compartment," Theodore complained before sitting down next to Draco. Valerie followed his lead, however seated herself alongside Kieran — wishing not to sit face to face with her best friend's worrisome looks aimed her direction. "We had to walk for five minutes just to get here."

   "Oh, no, poor Theodore. Had to walk for a few minutes to find his friends—," Blaise had no time to finish as Theodore reached over Draco and hit him at the back of his head. The platinum blonde needing dodge away rolled his eyes, annoyed at winding up in the crossfire as Blaise sought revenge and reached out to hit Theodore back half a second thereafter.

   Valerie chuckled along with her friends (Draco excluded) at first, however found her gaze drifting out the window; watching the scenery quickly pass by as the train rolled out of the station.

   The 1st of September marked the end of summer, but Valerie had never been happier to go back to school. She feared her mother, she feared lord Voldemort, and she feared herself; leaning back in her seat, a weak smile shadowed her lips as she would finally be able to leave it all behind.

     But poor, naive little Valerie. Did she really think her suffering would end that easily?

. . . . . .