Depths of Despair ✶ Theodore Nott

thirteen. only fools walk willingly into danger

As crows sang a broken tune of upcoming disaster, Valerie paced back and forth before her best friend: sounding less and less sane for each word passing her lips, as she re-told the nature of her discoveries to her very best ability.

Never had she been one for mindless guessing-games, which is why Kieran always believed her, no matter the improbable patterns she tried so hard to make sense of. However, the further she continued on — sharing with him the nightmares, the memories that were not her own — his eyes narrowed as he met her bewildered gaze. For weeks had she kept the truth to herself, however eventually she was bound to cave.

"Okay, hold on," he cut in as gently as he could. "Val, are you certain about all this?" It was not his intentions to sound distrusting, yet her expression fell flat in disappointment — Valerie staring back at him with an 'Are you serious?', at the top of her tongue. "Not that I don't believe you, because you know I do. But are you sure?"

"I honestly wish I wasn't," Valerie replied with a deep sigh, taking one last pace before sitting down at a nearby bench: burying her face in her hand while attempting to display her exasperation.

After struggling through a sea of hesitation, she'd made the decision to share with him the truth: Remus Lupin's confirmation pushing her far past the edge where she could possibly go without anyone to vent to. The truth Kieran had expected was, however, far from what he received — them both needing a time-out to catch up with their own confusion.

Valerie had never asked questions concerning her father. Always had her mother appeared rather unsettled by the mere thought of the man, and therefore he remained unspoken of to all costs — five-year-old Valerie quickly learning that disobeying the silent principle earned her nothing but a lengthy scolding, and if unlucky, her broom taken away.

Over time she'd adjusted to only having one parent, if Olenna could even be classified as that. After leaving for her first year at Hogwarts she never again returned — freed of all parental issues when Kieran and his parents happily arranged for her to stay with them over summers when noticing the abusive conditions her younger self had for a long time withstood.

Valerie was pleased, for in her mind a mother only meant pain, and she assumed — since she never again heard from Olenna — that the woman was happy to be rid of her. Either way, even having a father always had been an impossibility to her, which is why she found herself doubtful no matter the evidence found within Remus Lupin's mind.

"This is crazy. Insane," Valerie finally snapped: standing up and running a hand through her hair. Falling back into the pacing, Kieran watched her walk back and forth, her panic growing more prominent for each second passing them by, and slowly did a frown form across his features.

"Val, calm down, will you?" He gently tried, however she seemed no longer aware of his presence. "Val?"

     She gave no response. Hands trembling, heart pounding, she swiftly wiped away a stray tear falling from down her cheek, unwilling to let her best friend see her cry. Unintentionally did she recall her mothers words — the woman quick to scold her four-year-old self whenever close to tears: 'Feelings are a weakness, you stupid girl', she'd coldly preached. 'Get yourself together before you make a fool out of me.'

     As quickly as the wave of sadness had washed her over, it vanished: every single trace of vulnerability erased to perfection once she turned back to face Kieran. "I'm fine," she reassured: careful not to let her voice tremble, ignoring her friend's skeptical look sent her way. "Either way, I—,"

     A scream sounded from across the surrounding landscape of Hogwarts, both Valerie and Kieran haltering midst their conversation: unsure from where, and for what purpose it had surfaced.