Depths of Despair ✶ Theodore Nott

forty eight. expect the worst, or risk disappointment

a/n
quick warning, this is not edited.

Walking into the Great Hall the following morning, Valerie Leclere experienced nothing but dread. She was on her own: Kieran having been ushered away in his attempts to wait behind to accompany her, Theodore having only just woken up — still remaining in his dorm to get ready.

The loneliness has been initially been a comfort, as she was left to her thoughts, given time to work through what awaited her when coming face to face with her friends. The feeling did, however, quickly crumble into scattering remains, and as she reached the pushed ajar doors leading inside the hall, she found herself hesitant to take the final step past the doorway.

They won't be angry, she attempted at convincing herself through inner dialogue. Lies rarely settle well, however Kieran had reassured her that they all understood. You're being stupid, Val. They're not mad at you. She had taken his words into account, felt grateful for his revelation, and before going to bed the night prior — having been filled in on the details of her best friend's conversation with Blaise, and in turn also Draco and Pansy — she had felt relief.

When stood before the Great Hall, about to come front with the people she had spent years and years lying to, however, insecurity reinstalled itself within her chest. Suddenly, she regretted not waiting for Theodore before departing for breakfast: it would have been easier not having to face them on her own.

Inhaling a trembling breath, she silently cursed herself for being pathetic. They were her friends, and Kieran would be right there. She would be fine. One foot before the other, and so she settled into her previously rash pace once more.

When walking inside, some eyes turned toward her in acknowledgment of her presence. It was nothing out of the ordinary, and they had turned away the next second, however Valerie still felt herself cower. Directing her gaze straight onto the ground, she continued toward the Slytherin table, only daring enough to meet Kieran's when stood right across from him.

He offered a reassuring smile (able to spot the tension across her demeanor), and it was enough for Valerie to quickly sit down alongside Draco, muttering a "Hi," to them all before reaching for some bacon in hopes to diffuse any upcoming awkwardness.

Just act normal.

The silence was instant. Blaise and Pansy haltered midst their conversation, and Draco immediately turned to look at her. Kieran covered his mouth to suffocate a chuckle at their awestruck faces, however failed miserably: quick to conceal it as a coughing fit.

Her best friend's actions certainly did well to double Valerie's anxiety, as she bit the inside of her cheek until tasting iron, continuing to fill her plate with food. "Shut up, Kieran," she muttered and narrowed her eyes in his direction. Only then did she re-surface from her self-reprimanding inner dialogue enough to take into account the odd noise intercepting her mind.

Kieran observed, looking rather amused, as she wrinkled her nose in concern: unable to stop herself from pinning Blaise down with a glare.

"What the—" the words tumbled past her lips before she could think them through or realize what Blaise was doing, but Valerie quickly cut herself off.

Blaise raised an eyebrow, lips curving upwards. "What?"

"That's... concerning," countered Valerie, frowning as she tried to rid her mind of the images having just been shared with her in attempt from her friend's part to cheer her up. "I did not need to see that."

Her comment was enough for Blaise to bark out a laugh and for Valerie to grimace, all while their companions sat confused: gazing back and forth between the two, left out from knowing what was going on.