Depths of Despair ✶ Theodore Nott

forty nine. normalcy on return

               No matter reluctance toward the return to school, lectures and homework expressed amongst her friend group, Valerie silently praised the monotonous routines. The entirety of summer having been torture passing by on incredulously slow pace, being thrown back into normalcy was a luxury she never even knew she desired.

Their very first class of the day, history of magic had passed by in a haste — Valerie having sunken so deep into the task of taking notes that Kieran's attempts at silent conversation, Theodore's constant tapping on her shoulder and Draco's huffs out of boredom flew completely past her comprehension. By the end of the lesson, all her friends had sunken into melancholy, professor Binns' flawed teaching measures installing a sense of melancholy upon all except Valerie herself, who had to be practically dragged out of her chair by Kieran in order to stop writing.

Then came potions, not even the darkness of professor Snape's classroom enough to bring an end to her motivation. The group divided themselves across the back rows of the classroom, Draco and Kieran taking seat by the bench next to Blaise and Pansy, Theodore guiding Valerie to the back corner before sitting down alongside her.

Snape was his usual brooding self, presenting the Draught of peace in a monotone manner that made his instructions difficult to follow along. By the time it was time for brewing said potion, Valerie initiated the process almost mechanically — so sunken into focus that Theodore eventually deemed her disconnected from her surroundings, finding it necessary to pinch her in the arm in means of making sure she was okay. Upon the sudden pain, she winced: an "Ow," spoken aloud half-way through measuring the correct amount of powdered unicorn horn. Dropping everything in hand she met Theodore's inquisitive gaze, raising her eyebrows accusingly. "What was that for?" 

"What's going on?" he asked, suddenly looking concerned, which made Valerie frown.

"What do you mean?"

He tilted his head slightly to the side, widening his eyes as if to non-verbally say 'Really?'. Valerie's confusion did however remain, and he sighed before elaborating. "You've spent this whole morning with your head up in the clouds, is something wrong?"

Had she really? Her frown deepened before shaking her head in response, accompanied by a shrug of her shoulders. "It's just nice to be back in school, that's all," Valerie then vaguely replied, returning focus back to the ingredients — making sure a second time she had the measurements right before dumping it into their shared cauldron.

Theodore appeared dissatisfied with that answer, sensing some double-meaning to her words. "Why?" he questioned, for to him it sounded absurd to actually look forward to school.

"I just had a crappy summer," said Valerie, barely looking up at him between stirring. "And believe it or not, this is actually fun in comparison," she muttered with bitterness to her tone, growing defensive in response to his questions. Her demeanor was suddenly as if morphed from stone, something in her gaze growing distant and cold. Theodore inhaled a breath, taking the hint not to pressure her for answers any further.

Instead reached for the potions book to actually partake in the assigned task. "Should I add the moonstone," he asked in attempt to lighten the mood, wanting to make himself useful.

"Already done." She still sounded passively aggressive.

"Okay, uh... How about the porcupine quills—"

"I did that as well," Valerie chimed in, however finally looked up from the cauldron, biting the inside of her cheek as if suddenly remorseful of something. "I'm sorry."