JJ's biggest flaw was his recklessness, and his bad ideas. Honestly, that didn't seem that bad to Bexley.
Rafe's biggest flaw? Jealousy. Pure, uncontrolled jealousy.
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a/n: this chapter is kind of set up for the next few chapters, so sorry if it feels like filler
tw: mentions of violence, manipulation, mentions of past sexual assault, heavy drug usage
"...fuck..." Rafe felt like he could barely breath. He inhaled and exhaled. Inhaled and exhaled. It wasn't helping. He turned on the faucet of the bathroom sink, running water on his hands and wiping it over his face.
He hated the feeling of this chalky tap water on his skin. It was different than on Figure Eight, where all the water was immediately purified with added minerals. This was the hospital, money didn't go straight to the water in the bathroom sink. "God..."
He pumped some of the blue soap onto his hands, rubbing at them. He froze. In an instant, the soap turned red in his eyes. It looked red.
It looked like blood. On his hands.
He ran it under the water instantly, scrubbing it off. He was hyperventilating again.
"Fuck..." he mumbled.
He needed to snap out of this. But honestly, he couldn't.
Rafe hadn't been honest with Bexley.
He wasn't calm about everything like he said. He wasn't fine with everything.
He was freaking the fuck out on the inside.
He was trying to act normal, and seem tough for Bexley. But mentally, he felt like breaking down.
Because Joshua Richards was dead. He was dead, and only Rafe, Topper, and Bexley knew it. And it felt like so much power and knowledge that Rafe did not want to have.
And guilt. It was an abundant amount of guilt, even though he was acting like it didn't bother him in the slightest. His mind was going crazy, repeatedly putting bloody images into Rafe's mind, images he wanted to forget about.
Rafe reached into his pocket, pulling out a bag of cocaine. He leaned down and snorted two lines before shoving the rest away.
Those bloody images disappeared, his mind calming.
That was the thing about using, the thing Bexley didn't understand, the thing he never wanted to tell her.
Those thoughts he got, those dark thoughts Bexley was so convinced were only caused by him getting high? Something cocaine made them go away. Sometimes, he was better when he was using.
Rafe wiped his nose and exited the bathroom.
They were at the hospital, Bexley visiting her mom down the hallway. He slowed as he neared the room. And then, he stopped. Because he heard her talking, and didn't want to interrupt.
Inside, Bexley was sat right next to her mother's bedside. She had pulled her chair as close as possible to the bed, and held her mom's hand, stroking it with her thumb as she spoke. It was a physical action Rafe always did to try to calm her down, maybe it'd work for her mom too.
